SPEAKER_01 0:17

Hi, I'm Mega, and this is Raising with the Lidge, a podcast where real parents share real stories so we can all feel a little more connected on this wild journey of raising children. Have you ever wondered what would happen if your baby decided to arrive early while you were in another country completely unprepared? In today's episode, I'm joined by Chivon who shares not one but two unexpected birth stories. Her first baby arrived at just 32 weeks while she was on holiday in France, navigating premature labour in a country where she did not even speak the language. And if you think that was a one-off, her second baby had other plans too, arriving at 35 weeks before she even had the chance to sit down and discuss her birth plan. This episode is all about letting go of control, navigating the unknown, and finding your strengths in moments you never saw coming. Shivon opens up about what it really feels like to welcome a baby when you're not ready at all. And how you adapt, cope, and move forward. Let's get into her story. Hi, how are you?

SPEAKER_00 1:37

I'm good, thank you. How are you?

SPEAKER_01 1:38

I'm very good, thank you, very good. Uh right, before we jump into the story, shall we start with some quick introductions? Who are you?

SPEAKER_00 1:46

Cool. So my name's Siobhan and I am a mum of two little ones. Um needless to say, both of my births were actually pretty eventful. Um, my first baby decided to arrive uh eight weeks early while we were on holiday in France. And my second, well, not to be outdone, she also made a bit of a surprise entrance five weeks early by emergency C-section. Um, so needless to say, neither were what I expected or had prepped for. Um, but they definitely taught me a lot, um, mainly about staying calm and also about how little a baby actually needs when you've bought nothing for them.

SPEAKER_01 2:21

Okay. Oh my god, oh yeah, didn't even think about that. That's gonna be interesting. What do you what do you give a baby when you've got nothing with you? Because you don't pack but we're not there yet. So before jumping to the birth and the huh, we didn't pack anything for baby because there was no baby when we left. Let's go back to the very beginning of your pregnancy. How did that go? How how did it start? I mean, not how did it start, I have a feeling about how it started. Um, how was the beginning of your pregnancy?

SPEAKER_00 2:57

We won't go into that. Um, to be honest, the pregnancy was really textbook. It was very easy. I felt great. Um, all this obviously not the first 12 weeks. The first 12 weeks were horrendous with um being sick and feeling ridiculously tired. Um, but once that was kind of over, it was a obviously had nothing to compare it to, but it felt like a really easy pregnancy. Um I luckily felt well, all the scans came back, you know, fine. There was not no red flags, nothing to worry about. Um and you know, when you look back and you think, God, was there anything that uh was there anything that they could have picked up on, or maybe I should have picked up on? There was nothing at all to suggest that he was gonna come when he did. So um, yeah, completely out of the blue.

SPEAKER_01 3:52

Do you remember if there were any mentions about, I don't know, baby growth? Um, did you have any extra appointments? Did you see any consultants? Um anything?

SPEAKER_00 4:04

No, literally nothing. So we had the the usual sort of 20-week scan, um, and nothing kind of everything was fine at that one. Um, there was no sort of extra hospital appointments, no extra scans, um, lit literally nothing. There was nothing to nothing to suggest anything was gonna happen um other than kind of go into full term or or near about. So it yeah, it was it was a really odd one, to be honest. Sort of I didn't have you know the early contractions or like the Braxton Hicks or anything like that, um, and felt you know completely normal before we went away. So yeah, very much.

SPEAKER_01 4:48

And so I guess that the doctors were absolutely happy with you going away. There was no, you know, counterindication, like don't don't travel abroad, don't leave the country, stay near your hospital. There was nothing like that.

SPEAKER_00 4:59

No, nothing. So I was 31 weeks when I went away. Um, and I'd had a midwife appointment sort of in the run-up to that, where I'd mentioned that I was gonna go on holiday. Um, and to be honest, like we weren't flying or anything either. So I think that also kind of, you know, it wouldn't have you obviously don't need the medical certificate and all that kind of thing for for that week's pregnant, but also we were getting the ferry. Um, but the midwife was absolutely fine with it. There was no sort of, it was just, yeah, carry on. There's nothing to suggest you shouldn't. Um thankfully, like, you know, she just said, make sure you've got travel insurance, which I did. Um, and that was it, really.

SPEAKER_01 5:41

Yeah, good. And so did you leave with your um hospital notes?

SPEAKER_00 5:47

I did, I did. So that was wise. The midwife had drummed in to me, regardless of I can't remember how many weeks it was, but she was like, once you hit this point, just take them with you. Um, so last minute I kind of was like, Oh my god, let's put the hospital notes in the suitcase. Um, so that was really handy.

SPEAKER_01 6:06

Very wise, very wise. Um, so where did you go on holiday?

SPEAKER_00 6:13

Um, so we went to Cherbourg in France. So we went to stay with my my auntie and uncle have got a farm um in a little place called Magnaville, uh, which is not far from Cherbourg, only about half an hour. Um, so we were going to stay with them for the week. Um, with my my dad came with us. Um originally we were supposed to be going to a wedding in Colombia. So thanks to the Lord, we weren't doing that. Um, because that might have been a very different story. Um very different indeed. We're just going over there to stay with some family, um, and just kind of have a little, it was kind of like almost like a little baby moon. I at my auntie's got sort of quite a lot of animals and that kind of thing. So it was just to go over there and hang out and eat loads of cheese, really.

SPEAKER_01 7:00

Oh, lovely. Oh.

SPEAKER_00 7:01

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 7:02

I love it. I love it. Although, how much cheese can you actually eat when you're 31 weeks pregnant?

SPEAKER_00 7:09

That's very true. Not as much as I would have liked, to be honest.

SPEAKER_01 7:13

Yeah, probably not that much. Um quick question on the side, but it does matter. Um, do you, your partner or your dad speak any French?

SPEAKER_00 7:24

No, we don't. Apart from the basic um senior school French that we learn.

SPEAKER_01 7:32

So no French for you. Good.

SPEAKER_00 7:34

So, yeah, no, not at all. So we can I've got a, you know, I can ask where the swimming pool is and I can ask for a beer. Um no.

SPEAKER_01 7:45

Well, I mean, it could it could work if you wanted a water bath um followed by a little celebration. Um but we'll go into it.

SPEAKER_00 7:55

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 7:57

Okay, so where is the swimming pool? Um bière, s'il vous plaît. Um okay, so you're in France and things are going okay. At what point did you feel that things were not quite as they were meant to be?

SPEAKER_00 8:14

Okay, so um on the everything was fine up until the Wednesday night. Um, and I hadn't really well, I say I hadn't done much. I'd been out with the horses um and doing some grooming, and then we went for for sort of a little walk in the fields. Um by the time I got back, I just had a really bad headache. Um, which to be honest, I do get headaches um fairly often, so I didn't really think much of it at that point. Um, but I did go for a light aim, which turned into a proper sleep. Um, and by the time I got up, I did actually feel a lot better. Um that evening I was absolutely fine. Um, but then when I I woke up maybe about four o'clock in the morning, um, and obviously never having been been pregnant before, I wasn't quite sure what it was, but basically my waters broke. Um, so I thought first of all, that I'd completely lost control of my bladder, um, and that I just couldn't stop peeing. Um, and then kind of panic ensued that I was like, oh my god, maybe this is my waters. So as you do, you start Googling. Um, and I kind of said to my other half, I think, you know, I think this is it, I think my waters have broke. He told me to get off Google and stop panicking, and that it couldn't be because I was so early. Um, but I, you know, I I went with my gut, called my mum, um and sent her a picture of what I thought was my um plug. And uh yeah, she confirmed that it sounded like it was. So that was kind of where it all kicked off.

SPEAKER_01 10:04

And so we are in the middle of the night, and you call your mum, who, if I paid attention to your story, was not in France, she was back home.

SPEAKER_00 10:16

That's right, yeah. So by this point, it was about five o'clock in the morning. Um, and she does get up quite early for work. So I felt like she was a good person to call.

SPEAKER_01 10:29

Well, that's that's good. That's good. So, okay, so what now that you have the confirmation from your mum, who is literally miles away from you, um, that most likely your water broke. Um, this is your mucus plug um that's out. What do you do? What what do you do? Where do you go? Considering you're in a country that you don't know, assumingly, and a language you don't speak.

SPEAKER_00 10:55

I knocked on my auntie and uncle's bedroom door. So this was probably now about half five, I would go with six o'clock maybe. Um, knocked on my auntie's bedroom door. My uncle was already up with the horses, so he wasn't there. Um, and I said to my auntie, my waters are broke. Um, her first reaction was that can't be the case, you're too early. Um, but I kind of said to her, No, no, no, this is like they definitely have. So she sent my partner up to the barn to get my uncle. Um, and literally within about 15, 10, 15 minutes, we were in the car on the way to the hospital. Um, it's worth noting that my so my uncle is a Marine, so always prepared. He had already scoped out where the nearest hospital um with maternity ward was, just in case anything happened, which we completely laughed at him when he told us he'd done it, but my god, it came in handy at that point. Um, and so yeah, we basically just got in the car and drove straight to the hospital.

SPEAKER_01 12:03

Wow. Okay, so you arrive at the hospital. What do you say to them?

SPEAKER_00 12:08

Um, so it was the long, it felt like the longest car journey in the world, to be honest, but it was only about 20 minutes. Um, we pulled up outside the hospital. Uh, I got out of the car and the rest of my waters went. So that was kind of, you know, even more confirmation in itself. Thankfully, my uncle speaks really good French. So we went straight into sort of the emergency side of maternity. Um, and he sort of grabbed somebody, explained the situation, um, and I was seen straight away. Um, so we went into a little examination room where they were just going to confirm about the waters. Um, so one of the nurses checked um and said to us, in broken English, like, yes, your waters have completely gone, there's nothing left. I obviously panicked and said, you know, I'm really early. What does this mean? Um, at which point she then said, Let's go into another room and see your uncle. Um, it didn't obviously, that was basically what the translation was, but she didn't say it quite like that. Um, it made it sound like something bad was really happening. Um, so I kind of panicked and just burst into tears. Um, but then we went into the the room with my uncle and she kind of explained to him in French what was gonna happen, and then he was able to translate it to us that although the waters have gone, they were basically gonna hook me up, have a look at the baby, and then take it from there. So it wasn't quite as dire as what that I kind of read it as when she was speaking.

SPEAKER_01 13:47

Okay, so at this point, you're 31 weeks pregnant, you're in that French hospital.

SPEAKER_00 13:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:54

The lady is saying it's actually now that you have the full translation, she's saying it's actually not that bad. But I'm assuming that still you're 31 weeks pregnant. So what happens next? What do they do at this point? Are they trying to keep the baby in, or is that a case of we urgently have to get this baby out?

SPEAKER_00 14:14

No, so what they said was so I had I was hooked up to um a monitor straight away so that they could check the baby's heart rate. Um, and that was all fine. Um, and I also went for a scan for them to check baby, and again, that was all good. Um, they said he was on the small side, which but at that many weeks pregnant, he was obviously going to be. Um at this point, I just hit 32 weeks. Um and he so they basically said that they they couldn't stop the labour, or they couldn't, yeah, they couldn't stop the labour, but they also were not going to do anything to sort of bring it on. Um, so at that point when I was hooked up to the monitor, I was actually contracting, but they were so small I couldn't even like couldn't even feel them. Um so they basically said it could happen at any point. Um basically you're not leaving here until after the baby's born now. So be that whether you go into labour later on this afternoon in two days' time or in two weeks' time, you'll just be here until it happens and we'll obviously monitor um because obviously that's what you're at most risk of once the waters break.

unknown 15:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:35

So it was quite a lot to take in that that was it. Like I was in hospital. Um, and obviously, once those kind of statements, once they told us what was going on, their next question was obviously, have you got travel insurance? Um, so it was quite surreal that I was sat there hooked hooked up to the machine, technically having contractions, um, whilst frantically ringing my insurance company. Um, and also it yeah, it was quite an insane few hours at that point.

SPEAKER_01 16:12

I can imagine. I can imagine. So um, so at this point, they are checking this thing. That's fine. Um, the baby is good. We won't be doing anything to accelerate the labour. That being said, the labor has started. How many hours until baby comes? But here I'm assuming that actually there is a more detailed story. So can you take me with you through that story? What happens next?

SPEAKER_00 16:36

Yeah, absolutely. So um basically, once we basically managed to get all the insurance and everything's kind of sorted relatively quickly. Um, and at that point, I was on sort of like a mix like a kind of holding ward, and like five, six o'clock, um, so we'd had all day sort of just in the main ward, kind of waiting. Um, side note the food in French hospitals is amazing, and you do get cheese with every meal. Um, I'm loving that. And then so once I was kind of settled up there, my uncle said that he was gonna go back to the house, get my auntie, but also bring me sort of clothes and all that kind of stuff in because we we knew I was kind of there for the long haul. He went, came back, and then around sort of 10 pm, I sort of said to everyone, look, you can go now. Like, we all need a good night's sleep. Um, my other half was seriously tempted to head back to Portsmouth um on the ferry to go and get our car because we'd come over as a foot passenger, and obviously now we knew we were going to need the car. Um, but something in my head was just like, please do not leave. Like, let's just see what the next sort of 24 hours brings, and then we can kind of work it out. Um, and my uncle's brilliant as well because he was like, Do you know what? I'll go and get the car for you, like you don't need to worry about that. Um, so they left around 10 o'clock, and I decided about an hour later to have a shower. And then whilst I was in the shower, I felt what I was like, oh yeah, that was definitely a contraction. Um it happened, I carried on my shower, it happened again, probably about 15 minutes later. So I called one of the nurses in and said that I thought that I was having um contractions. To go back, actually, sorry as well. They um one thing that was absolutely brilliant during that time was we had sort of meetings with um a number of consultants, but also the head of pediatrics. Um, and she came in to kind of talk about what might happen when the baby finally arrived. Um, and also she was really reassuring to say that at 32 weeks, like they weren't overly concerned, um, which was brilliant because it kind of just puts your mind at ease. Um, and her English was fantastic. So that was just yeah, really reassuring to have in the afternoon. Um, when the nurse came in to check, she sort of hooked me up and confirmed that I definitely was contracting. Um, but obviously I had been contracting earlier in the afternoon, so it could have, you know, they were they did say that it might just be another false alarm. Um, so they were gonna leave me hooked up for about an hour or so. Um, and then they were gonna come back to check if I was it had started dilating. Um, and if so, then I would be taken down to sort of the delivery suite. Um, so I called my other half, poor guy, literally only just got back to the um my aunt's house and said, you know, this is what I think is happening. I'll give you an update in an hour, but prep yourself that you could be coming back. Lo and behold, after the hour was up, they confirmed that I was definitely in labour, so that I was going to be taken down to the delivery suite, called um my other halfback, and he sort of was ready to start making his way in. I think the um I was asked so many times where my partner was. I think they were panicking because it was different, obviously, different staff to the day, and they hadn't actually seen him yet. So I think when I said he was on his way, I think they thought he was on his way from London. Um uh, which kind of made me panic because I was thinking, Blimey, how quick is this labour likely to be? Um, I did not need to worry because I went down at about half past 12, one o'clock in the morning. Um, and he wasn't actually born until sort of quarter past midday the following. Oh, wow, okay. Or that day. Sorry. Uh um, so it wasn't the quickest labour. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:52

So he would have had time to arrive from London.

SPEAKER_00 20:54

Oh, he would have had plenty of time. He could have came from America at that point.

SPEAKER_01 20:59

Back from Columbia.

SPEAKER_00 21:00

He wouldn't have missed anything. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 21:03

Okay, so so you said that the baby was born around lunchtime the next day, which I have a feeling it's because he heard that the food was so good at the hospital. But um, let's go back a few hours um before that, before we get back to it. How was it being in the labour ward with a medical team around you that potentially did not speak English? Um, or if they did, it's not their mother tongue, that's not what they usually do. So how did it feel for you? How how is it?

SPEAKER_00 21:34

Uh as in the being in the hospital or the the the labour itself?

SPEAKER_01 21:39

Um, probably a bit of both. I was thinking the labour itself, because at this point everything is so intense. I think the communication is key. Um, but probably generally being in the hospital as well.

SPEAKER_00 21:50

Yeah. Yeah, I mean the the sort of the run up to the actual labour um was that like was actually okay. Sounds awful because it really makes you sort of very aware of how having a second language is so important. And everyone's English was, you know, we between them and my uncle translating, it was it was quite straightforward to be honest. I think this and the labour itself, um I think whereas I hadn't, I hadn't really, because I was so early, I hadn't really given what I wanted to happen a thought. Um, so I was kind of very much just swept away with kind of what they wanted to do and that kind of thing. Um but they the one thing that was they like they kind of said that most French women will have an epidural. I think their stats are something like 90% or something. Um, so an anaesthetist kept popping in, which was actually really hilarious when you look back at it, um, because he was absolutely baffled at what I said no originally. Um, and he kept popping in sort of every half an hour to say, literally would just poke his head right in the door and be like, and now. Um, and that was just really, really entertaining. Probably just we were absolutely delirious, but it was brilliant. Um, and you automatically get a doula, which I hadn't really considered, um, but she was incredible. Um, and again, her English was phenomenal. So she was able to sort of translate um from like the midwives and the doctors and that kind of thing when they were when they were coming in. So I actually weirdly felt more comfortable than I probably should have. I think I was so focused that I kind of didn't really pay much attention to anything else. Um, but we were in there. It did feel I don't know what the average is for sort of births, but it did feel like we were in there a ridiculous amount of time. Um, because again, he we started we I was contracting, which is why I was saying no to the epidural, by the way, is because it didn't really hurt that much. And I thought, oh, this is fine. By the time it actually kicked in, it was too late for the epidural, and now I see why it's a thing. Um but we yeah, he kind of uh slowed down at one point and decided that he didn't want to come out. Um, but then it had gone on too long, so we needed to to get a move on. Um at that point, they started bringing in all sorts of utensils, the forceps and that kind of thing. Luckily, I didn't see it. Um, but Ash kind of was like, oh my god, look at all of that. Um but yeah, thankfully he kept my uh attention elsewhere so that I didn't panic when I saw all of that. But um yeah, before it was like after obviously having the second one in the UK, I I can honestly say that I didn't feel any less comfortable, even though there was obviously that language barrier. Um yeah, it was pr it was really good to be fair.

SPEAKER_01 24:57

Well, I'm glad to hear. I'm glad to hear because that that could have been very um, I don't want to say dramatic, but it could have been very intense um to be in such a special moment of your life where everything is happening, it's everything is a first, and you can't communicate or you can't be communicated with, which would have been um incredibly difficult, um I'm sure. So um Yeah, definitely. So you mentioned the forceps. Did did did they use them?

SPEAKER_00 25:29

No, thankfully not. Thankfully it was okay. Um yeah, we managed to get them out without the forceps, thankfully. Um I think I might have passed out if I'd have seen them coming towards me.

SPEAKER_01 25:42

Um and the forceps, just to um give a little picture um for those that might not be um familiar with them. Um if I'm correct, they look like gigantic metal what spoons?

SPEAKER_00 25:58

Yeah, like something you'd use to get meat off a barbecue.

SPEAKER_01 26:01

Yeah, yeah, exactly. So there's a baby out of you. I like this image.

SPEAKER_00 26:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:12

Um, and speaking of barbecue, so baby came out for lunchtime.

SPEAKER_00 26:17

He did, yeah, he did. So he came out, um, and he was so we were very um the the consultant I mentioned, the pediatric head of, um, so she'd kind of prepped us for what might happen when he was born. Um now I didn't realise this, so this was learning for me, but the baby's lungs are the last to kind of develop. So she said at 32 weeks it could be the case that his lungs aren't completely fully developed yet. So if he comes out and he doesn't start crying, then please don't be alarmed. It's it it will be due to that, and it doesn't mean to say like anything scary is particularly going on. Um, thankfully, he came out and he absolutely wailed, so that was lovely to hear. Um, and he they were able to put him um sort of on my chest straight away as well, which was again something we didn't actually expect to happen. Um, so that was brilliant. Um, and then they did obviously whisk him off to they did some initial checks and then whisked him off to NICU to kind of to check him over. Um and then my drama continued because we couldn't get the placenta out. Um, so they had to um knock me out for that. Um, and my lasting memory of that is them having to strap what I can only describe as like football, I don't know, like bolsters onto my legs, which I was like, I could only imagine what you're about to do to me to try and get this percenter out. Um, and they asked my partner to leave the room because it wasn't gonna be pretty. So that was a bit scary, but to be honest, obviously the um anesthetic hit, and I had a best the best half an hour's sleep ever, so it wasn't too bad.

SPEAKER_01 28:08

Because you you were going to not sleep that much after that now that the baby was out.

SPEAKER_00 28:14

Exactly that.

SPEAKER_01 28:16

Okay, right, so the placenta is out, baby. Um by the way, before I jump to the NICU, I'm so glad that you got to have a little um a little skin-to-skin moment um with baby before he went off to the NICU. So now the baby is off to the NICU. Sorry, did you say that your where where was your partner? Did he stay with you or did he go off with baby?

SPEAKER_00 28:39

He stayed with me. So he waited, um he sort of waited outside the delivery suite whilst they got the presenter, and then he came straight back in.

SPEAKER_01 28:47

Okay, okay. And so um a few hours um ago, you wake up. Um now the NICU, let's jump into the NICU experience. What was it like? Um, and again, here I'm guessing that you are with a different team uh at this point because the baby is born, so different part of the hospital. Again, that question of the language barrier, and also the question of that said now you're in the reality of it, your baby's out. What's it like?

SPEAKER_00 29:21

Yeah, it was really surreal to be honest. So they once I came around, um, once they got the percentite and I came around from the anesthetic, they kind of said, uh, like baby's doing well, he's all set up in NICU, we're just gonna do a few things and then we'll we'll take you down to see him. Um and that was obviously, you know, you have the initial. Um I mean, at that point nobody had really said, like they said he was fine, but you know, nobody had really gone into any detail about what the next few days or weeks or whatever would was gonna look like. Um, so it was still quite, I don't know, nothing really prepares you for seeing that tiny little baby in an incubator. Um, but it was, I mean, that from the get-go, the team in NICU, every single one of them were phenomenal. Um, so we spoke to a consultant, you know, I think pretty much straight away from what I can remember, and they said, um, like massively reassured us, which was brilliant, to say, like, you know, actually his lungs and everything are fine. He's breathing on his own. Um, we're literally, he's in the incubator for temperature regulation, and that was kind of it. Um, so we tried to um like they they got him out straight away when we got into the room so that um we could do some skin on skin um and also try and feed, which was going to be a long shot. So we we know I started pumping um breast milk straight away for him, and he was he was um feeding through a tube. But it was brilliant to be able to have that sort of interaction with him straight away. They then kind of spoke to us about there was no kind of indication at that point about how long he would be in there, um, but they did kind of say to us like they work on a three-hour cycle. Um, so they would do feed him through the tube every three hours and also do sort of what they call the care, so nappy change and all that kind of stuff. And and they encouraged us to to be there for that, which obviously we we wanted to be. Um in between, in amongst that, in between those three hours, we could um have him for cuddles, um, but obviously not out of the incubator for for too long sort of thing. So they really encouraged us to kind of obviously not day one, I was a little bit sore, um, but sort of as the as the the days went on, it's they kind of encouraged us to get out and go for a walk and maybe go out for lunch and that kind of thing. Um, so yeah, the the care was brilliant. Um, I was admitted, so I was up for the first three nights, first two nights, sorry, I was admitted onto the maternity ward. So that was really strange to be up there without a baby. Um, but I had my own room um and Ash was able to stay with me. Um, so we kind of, you know, spent most of our time down in NICU and then came up sort of to get a few hours' sleep afterwards and then straight back down into NICU. Um once I got discharged, I would say my care was probably slightly like everything with NICU was was phenomenal at that point. I think there was, I think twofold, I kind of didn't like I did ask if they if they knew of any reason why it might be that I gave birth, so early they they didn't come up with anything. Um, I think I was so keen to kind of get out of there and just just be down in NICU that I probably didn't pay as much attention as I should have. Um but they were, you know, they were very good. Um I mean, literally that the same, I think the the day I get discharged like two days later, they wanted to talk to me about contraception. I was like, oh my god, I I do not need to speak about that. Um they sort of packed me off with loads of very early, no need. Um and uh yeah, packed me off with all my prescriptions and that kind of thing. Um, but yeah, I think I was so I don't probably think, and again, I guess being a first-time mum as well, you don't you don't really know what your sort of aftercare should look like. Um so I probably didn't ask as many questions as I should have and that kind of thing. I just kind of rolled with it and um luckily there was sort of no complications or anything, and I was okay. But um we kind of once once I was discharged, we sort of had a conversation with the staff on NICO and they were amazing. There was a bedroom sort of attached to the NICO department. Um, and they said that whilst it was available, like it was basically ours. Thankfully, there weren't that many babies in NICU, and the people, the the parents were kind of very local. Um, so that we said, you know, as backup, we can always go back to my auntie and uncles. Um, but they kind of just said like it's yours for the time being. So that was incredible to have a a bedroom on site. Um, and I would they were they kind of actively encouraged you not to really like I we were happy to do sort of like the midnight and the three o'clock sort of care. Um, but they kind of they were brilliant in the fact that they were just like, you need sleep, go and do that. Um, and then I would just pop into the room to pump just because it was nicer to pump, sort of kind of looking at him. So it was actually, albeit really scary, it was actually quite a lovely, as lovely as an experience as it could be. I think the staff just made it so easy for us. Um, and we were again really lucky that you know he didn't have any complications and that kind of thing. And it was literally just sort of, yeah, regulate his temperature. He did have quite a bad jaundice, so he was under the lamp for quite a few hours every day as well for the first sort of four or five days. Um, but yeah, we were really lucky with that, I think.

SPEAKER_01 35:15

That sounds like despite all of trauma that it could have been, it was actually a very lovely experience. So I'm so glad for you. I'm so glad it went that way. How long did you end up um staying in the NICU?

SPEAKER_00 35:28

Um, so NICU, he was in for 10 days. It was really weird um because the what ended up being his last night in NICU, they said to us somebody they they'd had another baby admitted and said that they would need the the bedroom. Um and we kind of said, like, absolutely fine, we'll go back to my aunts and uncles for the evening, um, as long as they were okay, sort of doing the the care and everything. Because if not, we would just stay in his room. Um, and they kind of said, no, like go, that'll be really good for you. Um, so we had quite a weirdly lovely evening. We sort of had dinner with my auntie and uncle. I managed to get a hair wash, which as ladies know, like makes you feel like a different woman. Um and we headed back then into NICU um like early on the Monday morning. I think we we got there for we wanted to get there for the six o'clock um care so we could do his like nappy and everything. Um got there at six o'clock, did all the did all the stuff, and then the consultant came around to see us and said he's gonna be discharged onto the maternity ward today. And but kind of said it in passing, gave us no other information and just kind of left it. So we were like, ooh, okay, what what what sort of what does that mean? Um and then later on, someone came to speak to us and was like, yeah, he um he doesn't need to be a NICO anymore. You can go up to the, you'll basically be admitted with him onto the maternity ward. Um, which turned out, you know, we got our own room. They set up a bed so that my partner could be in the room as well. We had um, you know, we had our own bathroom. There was, you know, we had our little bathroom and everything. So it was all set up really lovely. Um, but I'll be honest, it was a little bit of a shock. So we beforehand, obviously the the staff in Nikki were very much hands-on with the three-hour care and that kind of thing. Once you're on the maternity ward, no, no, no, it's all you. Um, so gone were these leisurely lunches in Sherborg and these nice one-hour walks around the block. Um, it was very much like you're in this room now. Um, and they said to us um that we basically normally it would we would be able to leave for one of two reasons. Either he got to 37 weeks, what would have been 37 weeks, um, or he starts being able to feed sort of independently. Um and so at that point, we were obviously technically 33, so we knew we were kind of in there for the long haul. Um, it was, I would say, a bit of a different experience to the NICU. Like, whilst it was overall really good, it was very isolating at that point because it was literally just us um in this room for what turned out to be four weeks. Um and it was a little bit more like some staff were amazing, others not so good. There was a little bit of miscommunication about breastfeeding, which I found really difficult. Um so whilst it was there, there was some lovely moments, and there was some overall it was actually a lovely experience in the sense that it was literally just the three of us, and that was you know, that was actually quite lovely, and it was um yeah, quite quite special, really. Um, it was also quite tough. Um, and it was also, I think France were having a bit of a heat wave at the time, so it was about 35 degrees, and you were in what I couldn't describe as a conservatory. Um so there was definitely some testy moments in there as well. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 39:17

Now that you think back, is there anything you think you could have done to help with this um feeling of being isolated, of being, you know, a bit lonely? Is there anything you would have done differently? Maybe I don't know, look for uh an online community chat because I'm assuming talking to other parents um in the maternity ward was maybe not an option?

SPEAKER_00 39:45

Um yeah, so because there was quite a few sort of communal areas for in the maternity ward, um, but exactly that, it sort of the communication. I I went in there a couple of times, but communication was just really difficult. So um that kind of didn't really support. I think if we if I'd have known, I think when we first got admitted into the maternity ward, there was quite a lot of sort of miss, not necessarily miscommunication, maybe, maybe it was the language barrier, or maybe I think maybe because people didn't actually know. If I'd have known that we were going to be in there for as long as we were, um then we we didn't really realise we could have visitors because there was no visitors that I had on NICU. Um, we kind of thought because he was still to start with still in a little big incubator, um, and obviously so little and vulnerable, we kind of thought that there was still kind of no visitors. As it turns out, we actually could have. Um, so maybe in hindsight, having a little visit from sort of um family or something a little bit earlier maybe would have helped. Um, but then saying that we were quite happy in our little bubble.

SPEAKER_01 41:00

And I think it's a beautiful place to post this story. Right at the moment where, after everything they've been through, it's finally just the three of them mum, dad, and baby, together for the very first time. A little unsure, a little isolated, but above all, relieved and completely wrapped up in that new little bubble as a family. In the next episode, we'll pick right back up to hear the rest of what I can only describe as one of the most unexpected and unforgettable holidays of their lives. Before we move on to Shivon's second birth story. So, make sure you're following along so you don't miss any of it. See you in the next episode. Bye bye. Raising with the village will now be released every other Thursday, giving me the space to keep bringing you thoughtful and honest conversations. You can find all past episodes on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, YouTube, or wherever you usually listen. And you can follow the show there, at some new episode, then straight up into your feed. If you'd like to get in touch, share feedback or suggest a story. You can find me on Instagram at raising with the village. I always love hearing from you. And if this podcast has resonated with you, one of the best ways to support it is by subscribing, rating, leaving a review, or sharing an episode with someone who might need it. It truly makes a difference and helps these stories reach the people who need them most. Thank you for being part of the village, and I'll see you next time. Bye bye.