SPEAKER_00 0:16

Hi, I'm Maeva, and this is Raising of the Village, a podcast where real parents share real stories so we can all feel a little more connected on this wild journey of raising children. Welcome back to part two of this incredible story. When we left off, Chivon and her partner had just been reunited with their baby after time in the Nikyu, finally together in the maternity ward, navigating those very first moments as a family of three. In this episode, we're picking things up right there, but shifting focus to the reality of what comes next. Because what happens when your baby arrives early in a different country and you're completely unprepared? From navigating the healthcare system abroad to the practical challenges, the emotional tool, and everything in between, this is the side of the story with Donovan here. Let's get back into it.

SPEAKER_02 1:13

I think when we first got admitted into the maternity ward, there was quite a lot of sort of miscommunication miscommunication, maybe, maybe it was the language barrier, or maybe I think maybe because people didn't actually know. If I'd have known that we were going to be in there for as long as we were, um then we we didn't really realise you could have visitors because there was no visitors allowed on NICU. Um we kind of thought because he was still to start with still in a little big incubator, um, and obviously so little and vulnerable, we kind of thought that there was still kind of no visitors. As it turns out, we actually could have. So maybe in hindsight, having a little visit from sort of um family or something a little bit earlier maybe would have helped. Um, but then saying that we were quite happy in our little bubble. I think potentially looking online and that kind of thing um would have would have been a good idea. I think it's just it became very sort of the three-hour thing very much continued. Um and I we so we were trying to get him to breastfeed. It was literally a sort of it that it kind of consisted of nappy change, try to breastfeed, then give him the milk from the tube, try breastfeeding again, put him down, pump, repeat. By the time you've done all that, your three hours, your next one's nearly, nearly um about to happen. So that didn't leave a lot of time for kind of even just something like coming out to get a bit of fresh air, which I found quite difficult. The breastfeeding thing, I think, was definitely the hardest bit for me. Um, because, and again, I think that whether that was down to the language barrier, I'm not sure, but there was a lot of pressure from the staff to breastfeed, um, which I wanted to do, so I was very much willing to put the work in. Um, but we got to the point where the uh baby was having to be weighed after every feed to see if, you know, that was the only way they could tell if he'd got any breast milk. Um, and it was honestly it was soul destroying because it I knew that was not really the method that was going to work, but obviously had to go with what they were saying. Um, and it wasn't until the week before we got discharged where one of the nurses, really lovely young girl, turned and said, we would have never expected him to breastfeed before he left hospital. And I was just, I burst into tears because I was like, if you'd have told me that two weeks ago, I wouldn't have put so much pressure on myself. As soon as I kind of realised that, it totally changed my mindset. And they weirdly, then, while sadly Ash had to go back to London and he went back to London on the Sunday, and on the Monday, the consultant said, if the baby will take a bottle today, we can discharge you on Wednesday. Um, and honestly, if I'd have known that that was kind of like what the outcome was going to be from the start, I would have took so much pressure off myself because I would have been done exactly what I did in the end, was like, let's get home and we can, you know, work on the breastfeeding at home, but let's just get out of hospital first. Um so that was, you know, that was probably the only thing that I I really struggled with. And that would have been quite nice, probably to have that online community or somebody to speak to that kind of knew what was, you know, knew knew a bit more than I did.

SPEAKER_00 4:47

Yeah, yeah, it's a bit of a shame that um you didn't realise because to your point, you probably could have experienced a stage a little bit lighter um had you known that the expectation was not to get him to breastfeed, but it was, I guess, to get him to feed, uh regardless of how it happened. Yeah. Um from a practical point of view, um how did things work? I'm thinking here um of the fact that baby obviously arrived um two months early. Were you were you ready from a practical point of view? Uh with the car seat, uh the cart, the clothes, anything that a baby needs when they leave the hospital. And if not, who did you turn to to help you with that?

SPEAKER_02 5:40

Uh no, we were not ready at all. So we did have a um we'd ordered the pram and the car seat. Um, and that was we'd had a message actually to say that that was ready to collect whilst we were away. Um clothes-wise, we had nothing. Um I'm a bit superstitious, so I was very reluctant to buy anything beforehand, um, which wasn't ideal when as it came down to it. Um so we literally uh my mum came to the rescue. So her and my sister went to collect the pram in the car seat, and they brought the car seat um over on the ferry with them when they came to visit, um, along with clothes and blankets and muslin cloths and all that good stuff. Um, but the first sort of initial uh few weeks in hospital, the the poor child had nothing really. So he was in a nappy anyway during his Nikki stay. Um and then when we were on the ward, he they gave him a little sleep suit and a um sleeping bag. And then by the time we we then had this, uh my auntie bought us some clothes and everything in. But it was really tricky to get the premature stuff, so everything was ridiculously big on him. Um, but at least he had something. But yeah, so no, not prepared whatsoever. The cot was at home, ready to go, but not sort of put up or anything. Um, and then when my other half went back to London, he uh put the pram together and bought that back over. So we had by the time we left, we had enough. Um, but it definitely put it into perspective about I had this massive list of all things that I was gonna do, sort of all the things I wanted to read about, all the things that I wanted to buy. And actually, you don't really need it.

SPEAKER_00 7:36

I like this lesson. You don't really need it. So yeah, I guess you You really don't. No, no, you really don't. Um in the early days it's very basic, and I guess probably a good advice is to sort of wait and see what you need. Uh, but I guess for you, you were forced to wait and see what you needed um and get it when you were able to get it. Okay, so let's go back to um let's go back to our timeline. Um baby is now finally being discharged. Um are you running straight back home? Do you have to stay a little bit in France um for the paperwork? Actually, before we jump into that, what about the paperwork in in terms of him being born abroad? What what does that mean from that point of view?

SPEAKER_02 8:23

Yeah, so the paperwork, to me it was kind of so the way it works, just for anyone that uh doesn't know, because I wouldn't have had a clue, is you're we we called to get an emergency e-hit card, which is basically like those little EU cards that we used to have that everyone used to carry around. Um, and that covers 80% of the costs that are incurred while you're in hospital. And then the other 20% was covered by the insurance. Um, so there was initially there was quite a lot of paperwork. Um, but then to be honest, the hospital then dealt straight with the insurance company. So they that was brilliant because obviously it cut us out and meant that they could just deal with it. There was a few times that the hospital needed things and they wanted us to chase the insurance company, which we did. Um, and at the time that kind of felt a bit all-consuming and a bit overwhelming. But actually, when you look back on it, the amount of paperwork wasn't as crazy as kind of how it felt at the time. Um, they did uh hilariously send AD in error. Um, so their address was down as sort of our residence in France for any correspondence. Um so out of the blue, my auntie got a bill for£49,000, uh, which obviously she panicked about. Um, but the insurance company were very apologetic. It should never have been sent, thankfully.

SPEAKER_00 9:52

I can imagine the panic for her. All right, you just it was 50 grand. What what about the baby and getting him, you know, to be a legal person, I guess?

SPEAKER_02 10:05

Yeah, this was fun games, to be honest. So we had to apply for an emergency passport um in order to leave France. So we completed some like online paperwork and then had to have an interview uh with someone from the passport office. Um they then would issue the emergency passport, but they couldn't send it. You had to go and collect it in person. Um, so when Ash came back to France, so he ended up just going back to London for a few days for work, um, and then came back. Um, and then he had to go from Cherbourg to Paris for the day to go and collect the passport. What you had to collect the passport in Paris? Yeah. Oh my well. If you wouldn't send it out or anything, you had to go in person. So yeah. Thankfully, they didn't need to see the baby in person because that would have been a nightmare. Um, but yeah, so Ash went to go and get it. Um, and then so he did that in a day. But it was a nightmare with the in so the insurance were booking our travel back home. Um, and they originally they couldn't get it in their head that we didn't want to fly back. We wanted to just get the ferry back because that like we had our car with us and everything like that. So that was hard work. But then they wouldn't book the ferry until we had the physical passport. Um, so we were trying to like we wanted to get home like that weekend, um, that particular weekend, because you know, we'd been in France for six and a half weeks by that point. Um, so it was all, yeah, it all ended up being a bit of a rush job on that side of things. But um, yeah, a a lot of kind of a lot of paperwork. And then when they when we got back to the UK, so trying to register him here ended up being quite a faff because obviously he didn't have a UK birth certificate, he had a French birth certificate. We also wanted to add a name. So when we registered his birth, you we wanted to have my surname as one of his middle names, but that's not allowed in France. So they were like, you can do what you want when you get back to the UK, but have it like this. So we then had to do sort of like a name change as well. So we created a hell of a lot of paperwork for ourselves, if I'm honest. Um, but it was really frustrating because a lot of the time it was like you needed to send the they wanted to see the emergency passport, but the emergency passport gets taken off you at customs when you arrive in the UK. And I'm like, that's your rule. So how can you then want to see it? It doesn't make sense. Um, but yeah, we eventually got there and he had a UK passport and yeah, nightmare. But for everything we do now, we always have to they it's still really tricky to for him to get recognized here. So for every every time we apply for anything, we always have to send his French birth certificate off so that it can match him in the system.

SPEAKER_00 13:06

Oh wow, still to this day, and he's obviously three and a half years old now.

SPEAKER_02 13:12

Yeah, yeah. Wow. So we were applying for, for example, we were doing the um tax-free childcare for his nursery. Uh um, and in order for them to like kind of recognize him, it was like first of all, it just said that he wasn't a recognized person. So we had to send their birth certificate in and everything.

SPEAKER_00 13:30

Oh dear. Okay. So it's not just the the adventure at birth, it's the adventure that continues throughout life. Woo.

SPEAKER_02 13:39

Uh yeah, he's gonna be doing this at 20, I think, for anything he applies for.

SPEAKER_00 13:44

Good luck.

SPEAKER_02 13:46

Yeah, sorry about that. Carry on.

SPEAKER_00 13:49

Oh god. Alright, so um, well, I guess you you kind of um told us a bit about what happens next. So uh it took you a little bit longer than expected to go home. You needed to have his passport, go home, and then register him, blah, blah, blah. Anything else worth mentioning for the end of this first adventure?

SPEAKER_02 14:10

Yeah, so they they this was it was to be fair, I was really impressed with the follow-up actually. So they we left the hospital, but they said to us, we don't want you to not that we could have because we didn't have the you know the transport back or anything, but they said we need you to stay in France for at least a week because they wanted to do the follow-up midwife appointments. Um so I had a they they booked it all before I left hospital. And I think it, if I remember rightly, it was a couple of days later we went um to a sort of a GP um in one of the next villages for um him to have a little checkup. And then a few days later we had a home visit as well. Um, and basically what the aim of that was is that they wanted to see that he was putting on weight. So the first the first visit we did, he had put on weight, but it wasn't a lot, like not enough that they were happy with. So they said, like, we need to see like a like X amount for the next time. Otherwise, basically we would have had to stay in France for longer. So that was really stressful. Um, I was again doing sort of a mixture of of pumping and we ended up buying some formula and everything just to try and get as much weight on him in those first few days as possible. Um, and thankfully, when the midwife came, um, she was really happy with how he was going. So we kind of got the the tick and the okay to leave after that. So then it was sorting the passport and uh booking our travel home. But it was nice that they were thorough, like I I did feel like you know, we didn't just leave hospital and they forgot about us. It was nice to have that sort of follow-up.

SPEAKER_00 15:54

Yeah. And excuse me. Once you were back home, how did you go back into the NHS system?

SPEAKER_02 16:01

So again, that was quite tough. So we had to if I so trying to get a health visitor, because he obviously needed an NHS number. So I was kind of passed from pillar to post to start with. Um, and then I ended up taking the documents to uh basically like his birth certificate, etc., to the GP surgery near us. They then were able to issue him an NHS number, and then we then that they then kind of put us back in contact with what our health visiting team would be. So we did get a um health visiting appointment, but everything was obviously just quite delayed.

SPEAKER_00 16:42

After that at this point, is that when things finally start to look a bit more normal or any more hurdles?

SPEAKER_02 16:50

Uh well we decided to move house.

SPEAKER_00 16:52

So Oh, of course. Well, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:54

Yeah. So we'd been we'd been purchasing a house during my pregnancy. Um, and during, you know, two days before I ended up giving birth, we got our mortgage off of three. Um, and they originally then wanted us to complete on the house at the end of July, which we said was not going to happen because we would have only just been getting home. Um, so we ended up moving house uh on the 22nd of August. So when we got back from France, we kind of had about four weeks to pack up, pack up our life, uh, ready to move. So we we didn't really make it that easy for ourselves. Not really, it sounds and then no, just like to add more life-changing things onto the, you know, onto the agenda. Um, and I was also still trying, very much trying to breastfeed. So that was kind of like another battle in itself. Um we had a visit from the health visiting team when we were still in our like original place. Um, and they said that they were gonna refer, refer me to their, I don't know what you call it, but their breastfeeding team. Um anyway, I've never had that referral, so that kind of I took matters into my own hands um and ended up speaking to a lactation consultant um who gave me lots of really good advice and that kind of thing. Um and eventually, two weeks after we moved house, uh, he started to fully exclusively breastfeed. So he was nearly three months old by that point, but we got there in the end. And I would say after that, yes, I would say we started to kind of slip into what I would call a bit more normal life. It was kind of hectic, probably right up until the end of August, I would say. So yeah, it was born at the end of May.

SPEAKER_00 18:48

Wow.

SPEAKER_02 18:49

And then yeah, we got some normality back.

SPEAKER_00 18:52

That was a long summer.

SPEAKER_02 18:53

Well the new normal.

SPEAKER_00 18:54

Yeah, the new normal.

SPEAKER_02 18:56

Really long summer, yeah. That passed by in the blink of an eye.

SPEAKER_00 19:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:02

Wow, okay, and then you jumped into normal life with a baby at home in your new home as well. And in your new life. Before we jump onto the next pregnancy, anything else to add about this one? Yes.

SPEAKER_02 19:17

Yeah, we did. And that's when we started to um kind of make uh, you know, get out, do classes, and make friends, which was lovely. So yeah, we got our we got our new normal.

SPEAKER_00 19:33

That's nice. That's lovely. Okay, and so apparently you loved your new normal so much that um you decided to add a little sibling a few years later.

SPEAKER_02 19:44

Yes. Yeah. We thought let's let's uh make it more interesting, let's add another one.

SPEAKER_00 19:51

So how how did the pregnancy go this time? And um did you have any checkups or any additional appointments in the light of what had happened the first time around?

SPEAKER_02 20:04

Yeah, so it's really interesting because obviously being that he was born in France, like none of my my sort of hospital notes kind of obviously stop. Um so I had to like explain to the midwife when I had my first appointment after finding out I was pregnant, kind of what had happened. Um, and then they referred me to the preterm clinic. Um, so to start with, I had a lot more scans. So I had my up until 12 weeks, it was all sort of, you know, left normal. And then I had a 12-week scan, and then they after that, sort of my referral kicked in for the preterm clinic. So I think by the time my 20-week scan was due, I'd already had sort of four or five scans. Um, so much so that they in fact didn't do the 20-week scan because I technically had the the growth scan sort of the week before in the preterm clinic. So I did feel very sort of, yeah, I did feel to start with like quite because I was obviously very nervous. Um, but I kind of had heard stories and like one of my best friends, her little, her first child was eight weeks premature, and then her second um child was sort of only two weeks early. So I was kind of I knew that it wasn't necessarily a given that it was going to happen again, but obviously you can't help but worry. Um, but there was nothing really in the nothing came up in the preterm clinic that showed that um that it could happen again. So the main thing that they were looking for was they would do, they would check your cervix and make sure that there was it looked correct. It was long enough. Um, and then also they would get you to do a lot of very heavy coughing to make sure that it sort of didn't split or anything. Um And all of that was absolutely fine. Um, so they were pretty convinced that everything was normal. Um, and so much so that actually after I think about the 23 weeks, I was um taken off of the preterm clinic. And then my my care path would just continue as if it was a normal pregnancy. Um, which at the time I felt a little bit uh shocked, I think, that you know, that I wasn't gonna still continue to be monitored. And I didn't realise at that point that you don't actually even get another scan till um a lot later on in pregnancy, which obviously I didn't get to with my first one. So it did feel really weird. Um like yeah, up until that point, I felt quite confident and comfortable with it all. Um, and then after that, it was kind of just like, oh well, let's let's kind of see what happens.

SPEAKER_00 22:52

And so for this second pregnancy, because now you were back into the quote unquote normal pregnancy sort of timeline, did you this time get the opportunity to do a birth plan?

SPEAKER_02 23:06

Uh no, I never got to that midwife appointment. So in my in my head, I'd so me and the midwife hadn't spoken about it. I think she said at my last appointment, we'll talk about that next time. So in my head, I'd kind of decided that I wanted a water birth, which is what I thought I wanted with the first one. So I was like, oh yeah, maybe a water birth would be quite nice. But obviously, very much from experience, I was like, I'm not gonna put too much on this because who knows what will happen. But in an ideal world, this is what I'll go with. Um knew I didn't want a home birth. Um, and but was just like obviously, well, kind of it definitely made me think, what's the point of planning it? Because who knows what's gonna happen. Um, but in an ideal world, that was what I was gonna go with.

SPEAKER_00 23:53

You plan and then the baby will do what the baby will do. Um okay, so you didn't get to disappointment uh with your midwife.

SPEAKER_01 24:02

Don't waste wait, don't waste your breath.

SPEAKER_00 24:07

So what happened then? How far along did you go this time?

SPEAKER_02 24:11

Um so all was all was fine. So this time I was 35. So we managed another three weeks.

SPEAKER_00 24:22

Hey.

SPEAKER_02 24:23

So we got to 32 weeks, and I was like, brilliant, you've already, you know, you've outlasted your brother. This is brilliant. Um, and then at 34 weeks, I uh my waters broke.

SPEAKER_01 24:39

Oh no.

SPEAKER_02 24:40

So not in dramatic fashion like last time, I felt like a little leak. Um, and again, I honestly thought that that was just my badder deciding to give up on me. And I thought, oh god, I should have done more pelvic floor. Um, so didn't really think much of it. It was it was the weekend that I think you had it in London, it was like the hottest weekend of the year. So, you know, there was sweat pouring out of all everywhere. So I was just like, you know, maybe it's just one of those things. Um, but then the next morning I sort of got out of bed and there was what I would call like a bit more of a gush. It wasn't much, but it was a bit more. And I kind of said to my other half, probably should get, like, do you think we should go in and check? Um, um I'd already been in the week before um just to kind of check because I'd felt like she was uh sort of had reduced fetal movement. Um so I was like, oh, here we go, back again. Um when I got in, I had all the checks. So they hooked me up to the monitor, um, and she was, you know, she was fine. They measured my bump and that was all looking fine. And the the nurse kind of or the midwife said, I really don't think it is your waters, but we'll do the test to check. Um, so I was thinking, brilliant, I'll be home soon. She came back and she was like, I'm really sorry I got it wrong. It it is your waters. They have, they have leaked, like they have sprung a leak effectively. Um and so I had another, had a scan. Um, and but there was still quite a lot of, you know, there was still quite a lot of fluid in there. So they just said, we'll admit you um and see what kind of happens in the next 48 hours. Um if you don't, if nothing happens in the next 48 hours, like they gave me sort of sterile um, sorry, antibiotics to try and you know stop infection. I kind of thought I, you know, A was not expecting that when I first went in. So there was all the plava about bringing me clothes in, trying to explain to a toddler that I'm not coming home, all that fun stuff. Um, but I was pretty convinced, obviously, after what happened my first one, that that I, you know, I would just go into labour at some point in the next couple of days. Um, but I didn't. And so I went back home and basically I would then have an appointment twice a week. So it ended up being Mondays and Thursdays, that I would go back into hospital, um, they would do sort of blood tests to check to make sure I wasn't in having it get any infections um and check the baby's heart rate and all that kind of stuff. Um, and if everything was, you know, ticking along nicely, they would let me go to 37 weeks and then I'd be induced regardless. Um, so I changed all my maternity leave, did all that, and kind of, you know, I was still very much working at that point. So I, you know, changed all my appointments and that kind of thing. I was like, I'm not travelling anymore, that's it. Um and my first appointment, I I came out of Osbourne on the Tuesday, was back in on the Thursday. That one went absolutely fine, nothing, nothing to report. Um, and then on the Monday I went in. And weirdly, I must have had a bit of a sixth sense because originally I was just going to these appointments on my own, but um, my other half had had a kind of change of plans and he was off work that day. So I said, Well, you may as well come in with me and then we can go for lunch afterwards. Um, and then needless to say, we never went for lunch because I didn't come out of hospital. Um so they it was yeah, it was gonna be dramatic. So she we were, I was hooked up to the monitor and her heart rate dropped. So they said I needed to stay on the monitor for another hour or so to see if that was like a recurring thing or if it was just a one-off. Um, and then during that time, oh sorry, so previously when I was admitted to hospital, I'd had a scan. Um, and they said that that she was showing very small. Um, it said that she had quite a small head and legs, um, and that their sort of like approximate weight was very low. My cord was having to work very hard to sort of get the goodness into her and that kind of thing. So they were obviously wanting to monitor that as well. Um, which was weird because obviously when I'd had, they kind of said to me, Oh, did you think that your bump wasn't growing? And I was like, My God, everyone says my bump's massive. Um, and when I had, you know, when they measured it, it was showing like, you know, textbook for how many weeks I should have been. So it was very odd. Um her heart rate dropped, but I was carried on being hooked up and it never dropped again. Um, so they did a scan and and they thought that maybe she'd pulled on the cord, which is why the heart rate had dropped. Um they then also said, Your blood test has come back from last week, um, and you've got group B strep, which I didn't really have a clue what it was. I still don't think I really understand what it was, but obviously it's just a you know poses a risk of infection to the baby. Um, so the midwife said, I am gonna speak to one of the professors because I actually think with how far gone you are now, there's too many sort of little red flags. Like there's nothing scary, but there's enough red flags for me to think let's just get right today. Which obviously I was just like, I'm sorry, what today? She came back after speaking to the professor and said, like, he agrees. Um, we're gonna, we think you should have a cesarean like this afternoon. Oh well. Um which completely like you know, I didn't want a cesarean. I knew how obviously it was the recovery for me. I was like, I've got a toddler at home, it's not it's not ideal, it's not really what I want to do. Um, but obviously, if you're telling me that's what needs to happen, then absolutely like we'll just, you know, we'll go with it. She said that um they could try and turn her if I wanted to try and give birth um naturally. But she said, to be honest, I really don't think it's gonna work and it's just gonna cause you massive discomfort and obviously discomfort for the baby. So I was like, you know, I'd completely trust you, let's just go with what you're saying. Um, because I'd already eaten that morning, annoyingly, I had to wait longer because you obviously need to be nailed by mouth for a certain amount of time. So they were like, it's gonna be around it'll be sometime after half past four. Um, and this was about sort of 11, 12 o'clock that we were having this conversation. So we then got the wheels in motion with kind of sorting out where our eldest was gonna go. So you know, Nanny and Grandpa were on standby to pick them up from nursery and have them overnight. Um, my mum and my sister also went to Asda to get loads of like premature baby clothes or like the smallest clothes they could find. Because again, I learnt nothing and I didn't prepare anything. So we had ordered the car seat that week, though. We had even ordered the car seat. I think I ordered it that afternoon. So yeah, I'd learnt nothing from past experience. Um, and uh yeah, so it was kind of a mad everyone was on a mad whirlwind trying to sort things out for me. Like my partner went home to the house to pick up some stuff for me. Um, and I frankly just sat on the bed and created a playlist for the labour.

SPEAKER_00 31:56

Well, yeah, it's nerded, if anything.

SPEAKER_02 31:59

What else are you gonna do? I was like, I'm gonna do anything else.

SPEAKER_00 32:03

What was on your playlist? What was your best song?

SPEAKER_02 32:07

There was a mixture, uh so there's a mixture of 90s RB, some old school sort of Motane classic.

SPEAKER_00 32:14

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:15

In my head, I can't uh in the end, she the song that came on just after she was born was Prince Beautiful, most beautiful girl in the world.

SPEAKER_00 32:23

So that that works really well. That works really, really well. See, well done. That playlist needed to be made, see?

SPEAKER_01 32:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:32

Okay, so you're making your playlist. You obviously don't go for lunch. Um, and then what did take you into the theatre at four, roughly?

SPEAKER_02 32:44

Yeah, it ended up being uh it was about five o'clock in the end, um, and might have been a bit later, five or six o'clock. Um so they came in, gained us, gained us all up, um, and took us down. And I think at that point I had zero idea what us is like what a C-section involved. So I was very much like hanging on their every word when they were talking to me about it. So we went into kind of went into theatre, they talked me through sort of the the epidural spinal block um and then kind of what was gonna happen. They put the playlist on first, that was quite nice, and then sort of set my partner up, everything about where he was gonna sit. Um I was absolutely panicked about the the injection because I am not a big I'm okay, but the I've heard horror stories about the needle going into your spine and all that kind of thing, and I was just like, it's gonna hurt, it's gonna hurt. Um, and it was fine, but it is a very, very odd feeling when you're you can just feel like your legs are just gonna start going numb. So as that happens, they then kind of support you to to lay back. And as you lay back, they put the heart rate monitor on. Um, so up until this point, it was all very chilled. Like we'd met the anaesthetist, we'd met the midwife, um, we'd met sort of like one of the healthcare assistants, we'd met like all the people that were gonna be in the room, and it was all feeling pretty mellow. Um as I laid back um and they hooked the heart monitor up, her heart rate just plummeted. Um somebody shouted, uh I can't remember. Basically, I heard, this is now a category one, and I just burst into tears. Um, my partner sort of just like gripped my hand. Um, but the anaesthetist was phenomenal. So he was sat like right by my head and he was like, Right, do not panic. This is what's gonna happen. You're about to see a lot of people come into this room, but this is literally just to make sure that you and the baby are protected. We're gonna get her out as soon as we can, blah, blah, blah. Um, the heart rate has just dropped, but you know, it's there. Uh, we just need to get right as quickly as possible. Um, and they did, to be fair, they got it, yeah. She came out pretty quickly. They um there was a lot of people from in the end, like a lot of doctors and a lot of people from NICU that took her straight, like that had her in the corner straight away. Um she needed a little help that because they said, like, obviously you can't hear her, but this is what's going on. They were very good considering obviously you're lead down, you can't see a thing. Um, they just put like a little little tube in to help her um take a few breaths, which she did, and then she started crying. Um, and my partner was able to go over and have a look at her. Um, and then we got cuddles, so that was it was really nice in the end. But it was definitely a it went from being very calm and very mellow to panic stations. Um, but they were their staff were amazing, especially the Anisotist.

SPEAKER_00 35:54

Where did she go when she was born?

SPEAKER_02 35:57

Um, so she did once she'd she had sort of, she was obviously examined and stuff in the in the corner. Um, and then we had a cuddle, and then she was taken to NICU as well just to be examined um and to have her antibiotics because of my group B strep. Um, and then uh so she was taken down straight away. Uh I was then sort of stitched back up, which took absolutely forever. I think she might have actually been in the room for most of that, um, having cuddles. Then they took her, and then when I got wheeled back up to the um the the sort of recovery ward, uh my partner was able to go, he went to Nikki with her while I kind of just like rested for a bit and then had tea and toast. Um and then she came back up, um, came back up to me and they put her like on the breast to see if she'd feed, and she did it straight away, which was phenomenal.

SPEAKER_00 36:57

Well done. Well done. So young because she was 34 weeks. 35. 35. 35. So really, really well done to her.

SPEAKER_02 37:08

Yeah, they because they she did the the midwife kind of said, we don't know if like don't be disheartened if she doesn't, because she's still very, very new. Um it's unlikely, but yeah, she did. So it was, yeah, it was wonderful.

SPEAKER_00 37:21

Oh, that's so good. Well done. It so that probably really helped her get her strength and her weights in um in the early hours, early days.

SPEAKER_02 37:32

Definitely, yeah. So she um we then went to so she had thankfully, she had no time at all in NICO. Um we both just went straight down to the transitional care sort of ward. Um and yeah, we just cracked on to be honest with the with the feeding. And she, considering how like little she was, like she did obviously get very tired. So she wasn't, you know, they don't take a lot in, do they, in their first few, like, you know, first few days and stuff anyway, but she was definitely giving it a damn good go. Um, and she ended up only losing um 3% of her body weight, which they couldn't believe.

SPEAKER_00 38:14

Very, very well done.

SPEAKER_02 38:15

So she did really well.

SPEAKER_00 38:17

Oh, such a champion. Well done into win.

SPEAKER_02 38:20

Yeah. Tough cookie.

SPEAKER_00 38:22

Yeah. And so how long did she stay in IQ in the end?

SPEAKER_02 38:26

She didn't. She didn't have no time at all. No, so she came straight, she was in the first night. We went to the transitional ward. Um, and her first night she spent, she did, she was in an incubator, but with me. Um, and then she came out of the incubator the day afterwards. Um, and then we had three more nights on the ward and then we went home.

SPEAKER_00 38:50

Wow.

SPEAKER_02 38:52

Oh, that's so good. Really quick. I was expecting a bit longer. I thought we'd be in there for at least a week. Um, but I think where she was uh where she was feeding fine and obviously where she didn't lose so much weight, um, they were just like, you you may as well not be here. So yeah, we went back. And she didn't have um, so they obviously monitored her for infection, um, and she never got anything. Um, and all of her other tests and everything came back absolutely fine. So um she was good to go. We did the, she had a little bit of tongue tie, um, which it wasn't actually really affecting her feeding, but they did say that it might affect her later on. Um, so we got that snipped so that we were like, we don't want anything to kind of get in the way, like she's doing well, we don't want to stop her. Um, so we got that sorted straight away as well. Um, yeah, so yeah, we had her on the Monday evening and uh I came home Friday lunchtime.

SPEAKER_00 39:56

Wow, well done. Very, very well done. And so you went back home and was there any specific follow-up, or were you at this point back into the sort of normal tracks of what happens after a baby at full term?

SPEAKER_02 40:12

Yeah, no, absolutely. It was yeah, it was just back to there was not nothing additional, which surprised me to be honest, because I thought maybe there would be, being that she was still premature. Um, but no, we were just fully back into the throes of sort of like the normal health visiting uh midwife routine. So we came back on the Friday and the midwife came to see us on the Saturday. Um and then yeah, everything else was just yeah, your standard kind of route, which again I didn't really know what to expect, being that we didn't do that.

SPEAKER_00 40:42

Well, yeah, it was a first.

SPEAKER_02 40:43

Yeah. So it was basically so they kind of like originally they kind of spoke to me like I knew, and I was like, You're gonna have to tell me because we didn't we didn't do it. But yeah, so it was all kind of yeah, your normal textbook appointments, and we went to the midwife. I think I think it was like the week after and got discharged from her, she was happy, and then the standard sort of healthcare visits.

SPEAKER_00 41:05

Okay. That that must have felt good.

SPEAKER_02 41:08

It did, yeah, it really did actually.

SPEAKER_00 41:10

How has it been going since now? So it's been a few months. How is life um going for you?

SPEAKER_02 41:18

Good. It's uh, you know, two's not easy. I don't know what I expected. Um, I don't think I had really any expectations. It it is lovely doing the newborn thing again, and it is lovely kind of doing it the second time around, being a bit more confident and that kind of thing. I'm still really like her weight is still she's obviously, you know, she was early, so she is dinky. She's still only sort of like 10 pounds now. Um, so like her weight I'm almost like obsessive about. Um, but it is all going in the right direction and that kind of thing. Um I think the cesarean recovery was something that I really did not give enough kind of mind to or or credit of how rough that was going to be. Um it was yeah, I was not prepared for that, and it was absolutely brutal. I think if that had been the first one, it wouldn't have been so bad. But trying to manage that with a toddler and a baby is very, very hard. So anyone that's done that hats absolute hats off to you. But it's weird, you just kind of like it feels normal now. It doesn't feel like there's times where I still can't believe there's two of them, and then there's other times where I'm like, it feels like this has always been the case. Um I think managing the three-year-old tantrums is is just harder than a newborn.

SPEAKER_00 42:41

Oh, it's lovely, isn't it?

SPEAKER_02 42:43

Oh my gosh, yeah. And I know they're going through it, and it must be very difficult that they're used to having you, and then now they've got a pesky little sister. But my gosh, don't they make it known?

SPEAKER_00 42:56

I think we're getting to the end of your story, uh, and what a story it was. Is there anything else you want to um to add? Uh, anything else that you want to share? Recommendation for anyone that may be going through a similar story? Hopefully, no one is actually thinking, oh my god, I just had my first baby abroad and I'm about to have an emergency section for my second. Um that would be that would be surprising. But if that's the case, please share your story. I'd be very interested. But anything you want to share, just to close this story off.

SPEAKER_02 43:29

I think, do you know what? It was a massive obviously the first and second time. Like they were obviously they were both premature but kind of very different, different circumstances. I think it just puts into perspective how little you do need to stress the small stuff. So, like I said before I had my first, I, you know, we did all these NCT classes. We did, I had this list of books I wanted to read to prep before he was born. I had this massive long list of stuff that I wanted to get. And Do you know what? None of it means anything. You don't need it. Like, you just need the bare essentials and to trust your maternal instinct because like it will kick in and you'll just deal with it. I think like the whole not being in control thing is really difficult. But it's amazing what you can do when you're put in that situation. And I think it was when you look back on it, it was incredibly stressful. But having the right people around you, like I think it actually weirdly brought me and my partner closer together, which is a lovely thing. I think, yeah. So I think just don't don't stress it. Don't you don't need all this, you know, fancy stuff. Like the baby just needs you. I think that's that's kind of all that matters. Um, and always, always, always make sure you've got up-to-date travel insurance.

SPEAKER_00 44:52

Yes. I I don't think we think about it enough, but um thank you for your story. Now we know that really always think about the admin part of life. It's annoying, but it matters.

SPEAKER_02 45:05

Yeah, it's boring and it's mundane, but it really matters because you just never, never know.

SPEAKER_00 45:10

Thank you so much for sharing. That was uh such an eventful story. I wish you all the best to all four of you. Uh your two little adventurous travelers, um babies and toddler. Uh have the best time and thank you so much. Speak to you next time. Bye-bye.

SPEAKER_01 45:28

Thank you. Bye.

SPEAKER_00 45:29

What an incredible story from Chivon. Two births that didn't go to plan in any way. And yet, such a powerful reminder of just how adaptable and resilient we can be as parents. If there is one thing to take from this episode, it's that no matter how much we try to prepare, sometimes things just unfold in completely unexpected ways. And I guess that's okay. There is strength in surrendering to the moment and trusting yourself to navigate whatever comes your way. Siobon, thank you so much for sharing your experience so openly. And as always, if this episode resonated with you or you know someone who might need to hear this, please do share it. It really helps these stories reach the people who need them the most. I'll see you in the next episode. Raising with the village will now be released every other Thursday, giving me the space to keep bringing you thoughtful and honest conversations. You can find all past episodes on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, YouTube, or wherever you usually listen. And you can follow the show there, add some new episodes, then straight into your feed. If you'd like to get in touch, share feedback or suggest a story, you can find me on Instagram at Raising with the Village. I always love hearing from you. And if this podcast has resonated with you, one of the best ways to support it is by subscribing, rating, leaving a review, or sharing an episode with someone who might need it. It truly makes a difference and helps these stories reach the people who need them most. Thank you for being part of the village, and I'll see you next time. Bye bye.