SPEAKER_00 0:16

Hi, I'm Maeva, and this is Raising with the Village, a podcast where real parents share real stories so we can all feel a little more connected in this wild journey of raising children. Today's guest is someone who made me think long after we stopped recording. Simon, known to many as Psy MC, grew up in a family setup that did not follow the conventional script. And rather than let that define him, he did something that takes real self-awareness and real courage. He looked at his own childhood, sat with it, and made a decision. He decided to do things a little bit differently. At twenty, Simon became a dad for the first time. Young, still figuring himself out, but already asking himself the questions that a lot of people never ask at all. What kind of father do I want to be? What do I want to pass on? And just as importantly, what do I want to stop here with me? The relationship he built with his son from those early years is something he reflects on with such honesty in this conversation. Then, in his late twenties, life shifted again for him. He met his now wife, and by the time he became a dad for the second time in his mid-thirties, he was a fundamentally different man. More settled, more grounded, emotionally, financially in every way. And that difference between the 20-year-old who became a dad and the 30-something who did it again is at the heart of everything we talk about today. This is a conversation about growth, about the work we do on ourselves, quietly over the years, so that we can show it better for the people we love. It's about breaking cycles, it's about building new ones, and about what it really means to parent with intention. Simon's story is proof that where you start does not have to be where you end up. So here is Simon. Hi, how are you? I'm very well, thanks. How are you? I'm very good, thank you. I'm very excited for today's conversation.

SPEAKER_01 2:43

Yeah, sorry it's taken so long to get to uh this point of being able to be here to do this, but uh yeah, no, excited and uh glad I could make it.

SPEAKER_00 2:51

No, but I love that. And it's in person as well. It is in person, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:55

In real life. Yeah. I better tell people who I am, I suppose. Let's start with intro. Yeah, sure. So um so I I'm Simon, um otherwise known as uh CyMC. We'll get to that in a minute. Uh I am going to be 46 in about two weeks' time, and I have two children. So my eldest, uh, who will be 26 in the beginning of February, uh, and my youngest who was 12 on Saturday. Yes. Uh, and I also have uh an amazing 18-month-old uh 18-month uh granddaughter. She's beautiful.

SPEAKER_00 3:28

Yeah, she's we'll be covering all of that in the story.

SPEAKER_01 3:32

The one girl, actually. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I can get to that in yeah. Uh it's interesting. I grew up obviously having my eldest quite young uh and my other son a little later in life. And um I've always kind of been quite glad, I don't know why, to have two boys. I think as a man, it's you it's there's this um there's this kind of mindset that it might be easier to because you've got more in common to bring men up than than maybe women. Um, and I've got a few friends that have daughters, and it seems like they have a lot of hard work with them. Uh I've been really lucky both. I couldn't be prouder, uh more prouder than both my sons, but yeah, I now have a granddaughter who will probably be the deaf of me. So and her dad? Yeah, well uh will she be the deaf of him? No, he does a great job. Uh yeah. Luckily, he's got his partner as well. Um they both do an amazing job. Yes, good job.

SPEAKER_00 4:30

And she's 18 months old, too. She's 18, she'll be a two in May. Good, good. It's it's getting into the you know the serious, serious things, terrible twos and all that. Oh yeah. That's gonna be fun.

SPEAKER_01 4:43

I don't know if I have terrible twos with her, actually. She's so chilled and relaxed.

SPEAKER_00 4:46

Oh, you're lucky. Don't say that. Don't say that. You're gonna make everyone so jealous. You can't say that. Also, you know that there is a rule that if you say that, yeah, then it cancels it.

SPEAKER_01 4:55

Well, I've got to put it down to uh Hayden and Lauren, to be honest with you. They're so laid back and relaxed about things, and I think that just kind of breeds into uh the the family ethos. I think that's kind of um how they are. Um, and she's very chilled and relaxed, always got a smile. Yeah, she's um yeah, couldn't be prouder of all of them.

SPEAKER_00 5:15

That's lovely. Well, let's go back to the very beginning of the story then. Okay. And so you mentioned that you had your first son when you were quite young. I was, yeah, yeah. Shall we jump just a little bit before that? Yeah. What kind of young man were you?

SPEAKER_01 5:31

I was hyperactive.

SPEAKER_00 5:34

I'm surprised.

SPEAKER_01 5:35

I'm in shock. So uh I I I am an 80s, born in the 80s, as you can probably guess. Um yeah, I was I I was saying diagnosed, it wasn't really a diagnosis, but I was told I had hyperactivity syndrome, which um kind of meant I had trouble. I did really well at school actually, but I had trouble paying attention to certain things. If it wasn't stuff that I was interested in, it was harder for me to apply myself. Um ADHD wasn't a thing back then, it was hyperactive hyperactivity syndrome. So I was sent on courses to go canoeing and trampolining and other things that that kind of ate away at my energy. Um, but yeah, I wasn't it wasn't really I was I'm not gonna say a naughty child because I don't think I was naughty or a problem child, but um yeah, it's uh maybe I was. But I uh so I lived with my mum and dad split up when I was young, and I was about five. I lived with my mum till I was about 12. By that time she'd had enough of me. Went to live with my dad, um, and then went back to my mum's back to my dad. A little bit of to-and-fro-in. And I finally moved out at the age of 16. Um, in fact, I was 15. I was still at school when I first moved out. Um, because I've got a very funny relationship with both my parents. We won't go into too much detail on that, but um, what I will say is I've been conscious not to repeat any of the the kind of things that I had as an upbringing. Um we may touch on that later. But yeah, so where are we? So yeah, I moved out at 16. I met Hayden's mum at the age of 14. So she we were living in Somerset, um, and her Nan moved in next to my dad. And I lived, when I say Somerset, uh real Somerset. So uh I said 10 miles away from school, 10 miles away from anybody, uh a village of 500 OAPs, I think, uh, retirement type place. So um yeah, this this lady had moved in next door to me, retired lady. Uh and her daughter came down from uh sorry, her granddaughter came down from from Reading, uh, which was big news in uh in a village of 500 old people. Um and we kind of struck it off. So we were kind of young love sweethearts, as it were. Um she was from Reading. So when I was 16, 17, uh after I'd moved out, I moved up to Reading with her. Um, we were together. Ooh, we we started to grow up to become different people because we got together so young. I think we grew to become different people with different wants out of life. Um, I was still very young and wanting to go out with my friends, um, kind of working on my music career, which I thought was going to be the big thing at the time. Um and she was very much family focused. So I was 20 when I had Hayden, um, which on reflection I would never change because um I love him to bits, I couldn't be proud of him. I mean, he's my son, and I'm definitive about that because my dad always treated me like a mate, but at the same time, we're good friends. Um, and we yeah, he he knows that I'm his dad. Um, I make sure of that. Uh, but but we get on. Um I want to say like friends, but we're not friends because I don't that was one of the things that I wanted to make sure I didn't repeat from my from from my perspective. Um my eldest came along when when he was 20. It wasn't out of choice. We in fact we were a bit of a sticky part of our relationship. Um I'm not gonna put uh aspersions out there, but maybe there was an element of um having Hayden might have helped the relationship develop and make me more family-friendly and and um yeah, more coincide with what her plans of of life were. Um and it kind of worked for about a year. Uh, and then I mean the strains of having a baby on anybody is massive, but when you're that young, um it it it really took its toll. And yeah, we ended up splitting up when it was about a year and a half. Um, his mum then moved back to Somerset, and uh I stayed in Reading basically, so I built a new sort of friends, um, had a job there, was pursuing my music career, uh, and and she went back to Somerset. So he was brought up in in Somerset from the age of must have been 18 months, two years old. So he did all of the schooling there, he's still there now. Um, but it did mean that they were he was an hour and a half away from me. Um and uh again, so so when my parents split up, um I used to see my dad every other week, and I used to sit at the end of the street and he'd be so excited to see my dad. And I'd sit there and I'd sit there, and 10 o'clock he'd come, and I'd sit there and I'd sit there, and he hadn't turned up. And uh, where's my dad? And this is before mobile phones, before you didn't phone people at all, landlines. Um and I'd go back to my mum and she'd go, Oh, fart face, as she used to call him, hasn't turned up again, blah blah blah blah blah blah. Unbeknownst to me, she'd actually phoned him and said Simon's not around this weekend to try and cause riffs and things like that. Um, so I always wanted to make sure that that wasn't repeated again. And I mean it used to be kind of once every two weeks, once every month. Uh, I was selling cars at the time, so it used to be quite hard. Well, if you don't work Monday um Saturday, Sunday, you don't have anything to do for the week. That's when you see most of your customers. So um there were challenges around trying to juggle. Sometimes the poor kid would have to sit in the showroom with me um or be with my partner at the time, or or we'd have to make arrangements. But I always tried to make sure um that I stuck to that and that that I saw him. It got um difficult when he reached the age of 12, I would say, because he wanted to be out with his friends. He didn't want to come and sit with my girlfriend while I was at working, or whatever it may have been. Um, I was with my wife by the time he was 12, sorry, not girlfriend. Um yeah, she we weren't married then. Yeah, so she was my wife then. Um, but yeah, it was uh it was a case that he had other things to do. He was going out and seeing his friends, playing football. And so it got to the point where sometimes it'd be once every three months, once every two months. Um But we always we always kept that. I always made sure I kept that going. Uh and I sound maybe over Christmas, etc. as well. Um and then when I was 27, I met my wife, um, my now wife. Uh wasn't my wife then when I met her, obviously. Um and uh and and and she changed everything for me. She really did. She's um so my wife Alex, she's um an amazing woman, um with a with an incredibly kind heart and um comes from a very stable background, very stable family that I wasn't accustomed to before. I didn't really know how that worked. Um, and she taught me a huge amount of of uh of stuff around how to treat people, how to respect people, what's really important uh around values. Um and Hayden loved her as well. We ever I think everybody loves her, um, and they get on exceptionally well. Um and so, yes, I met her when I was 27, um, got married in 2012, so it would have been 32, so about five years later, got married, and then two years later, Jack came along, and uh which is interesting because my wife never had a maternal bone in her body, um, and she was actually quite scared about having Jack. I think we both were. Um but yeah, it's funny how she got pregnant. I don't know if she's gonna like me saying this or not. If not, we can delete it, but I'm sure she'll be fine. She was on um contraceptive injection, so um, she'd been having that. That was fine. We actually moved house uh and we had to move doctors, and she's gone to the doctor to say I need to get my three-month, six-month, whatever it is, annual shot. Um and they said, Oh, you've been doing this for 14 years, you're not supposed to do it that long. And she said, Really? My doctor's never said anything. She said, Yeah, it's not really good to be doing that long. We're gonna you're gonna have to have a break for a little while. Um, let it all come out in six months' time, we'll put you on different contraceptive pill, whatever that may be, options. Um, and she said, What do I do in the meantime? Like, how do I stop getting pregnant? And the doctor laughed and said, I hate to say this, but it's probably unlikely that you will get pregnant. Like, we don't know. We people don't take this contraception for that amount of time, and um, we don't know what the the um the outcomes of that are gonna be. Um, yeah, and then a couple months later she was pregnant. So um, yeah, mother law absolutely um over the moon by it, so is my father-in-law. Um, so was I actually, yeah. I I felt it was the right time. I was um married in a stable relationship, uh, financially much better off than I was when I was 20. Um and yeah, and Jack came along. Um, we had an awful time um during labour. I think we we actually went in to hospital um on New Year's Eve. So I remember being in the hospital watching all the fireworks and stuff going off. Um, and then he was born on the third, so she was in Labour for three days. Yeah, long yeah, um his heart stopped, her heart stopped. There was yeah, some roof job in the end. It was all a bit talking about trauma intense, yeah. Yeah, yeah, it's very intense. Um, but uh everything turned out well in the end. And and then again, I've got an amazing, my youngest is absolutely awesome. He's got such a kind heart, he's um so thoughtful. He I couldn't be prouder of him. He's he's he applies himself academically. Um although I'm gonna caveat this, he does apply himself academically and he's very good at at maths is his thing. He loves maths. Um but what's most important to me and my wife is when people come up to us, and and this is teachers and and friend, his friends' parents, and they say, Oh, your Jack's absolutely lovely and um such a nice boy. And that means more to me than any GCSE or any kind of grades that he gets um academically, although I'd love him to do well academically, obviously. Um, but the fact that he's just such a nice boy um is yeah, that means everything to me. I couldn't be prouder of him.

SPEAKER_00 16:10

Oh no, it's lovely. It's such such a very full life. No, so my first question was actually thinking, you've mentioned that your upbringing was um what can we shit? I was gonna go with unconventional. Uh yeah. This thing is the um the more polite one. And not not judgmental, because I don't want to judge your parents here, nor the young person that you were, because you know, everyone has their own uh set of circumstances. I was in there I don't know. Um but it was not conventional, let's put it this way.

SPEAKER_01 16:51

Yeah, I I mean it's interesting. I've been doing a lot of work recently around understanding so another word for non-conventional is not normal. But then what is normal? But but then exactly what is normal? That was my normal. That was it was your normal for me, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:09

But actually, I think here you're getting exactly to my question, which is how did you know, considering this was your normal, how did you know you did not want to repeat that? And more difficultly, how do you not repeat that?

SPEAKER_01 17:26

Yeah, it's it's being conscious about it. Um, I mean, that there's there's a lot of different factors. So um my mum, bless her. Uh she's she's an alcoholic. She's and I mean a real alcoholic, not a couple of drinks. My dad's an alcoholic, he has a glass of whiskey in the evening. I'm probably an alcoholic, I have a glass of wine in the evening. Um, my mum gets up and starts drinking vodka at 10 in the morning, that type of alcoholic. Yeah. Um, yeah, she I I've got four other siblings, and then you've got I I went to live with my dad, which was polar opposite. So I've gone from my mum. Um, he's got all these, we've got brothers and sisters, we're mad house, basically, party house, open house, all my friends around, everyone's always around, to go into my dad's, which was the polar opposite. So he's um I say my stepmum. They never actually got married, but she's been around long enough to warrant being my step-mum. But um, she never wanted kids, and they she's from a military upbringing, so she's very I'd say OCD, but very everything has a place. The the house was a show house. I had some very strict rules. So I went from having no rules to the polar opposite to not really feeling wanted um at all, actually, which is why I moved out. I think I moved out at 15 um because we used to clash quite a lot. I was still at school when I moved out, and um yeah, I went back, tried to be there when I was 17, it didn't really work. So then uh yeah, moved out to Reading. But yeah, very unconventional.

SPEAKER_00 18:57

Um But so how do you work out the type of dad that you want to be, especially when you became a dad so young? So having well I I was gonna say having little experience of life, but actually it sounds like you had quite a lot of experience in life already at that point.

SPEAKER_01 19:17

Yeah, um, I guess so. I again it was my normal, so I didn't consider it different to anybody else. But all I knew is when when Hayden was born, when both my sons were born, um, and I watched so a little bit more context. At the time of Hayden being born, me and his mum were kind of on a break. We'd sort of split up. Um, she'd got some rash on her legs and went to the doctors, and they said, Oh, you're two weeks over, we're gonna induce you. And actually, Hayden was easy. Hayden was a crochet needle, bop out. Um, but watching his mum deliver Hayden uh was was incredible. It was it was a miracle. I watched the miracle in front of my eyes, and um and from the moment that he was born, that was that's me, it's part of me, it's a mini me. And um, yeah, I just uh I don't know, there's just a a part of me that wanted to make sure that that he he did okay, that he was safe. I knew he'd always be safe with his mum anyway. His mum's as I say, uh both my um baby mothers, can I say that isn't a thing?

SPEAKER_00 20:27

Uh it seems very American teen drummer, but yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:30

Uh but they're both that they are both very uh amazing people and and they're they're brilliant mums, and and I'll never take that um away from uh definitely my wife, she's amazing. Um but even Hayden's mum, who we've had our fallings out. Um there's been some friction uh over the the the yeah trying to bring Hayden up. Um I won't go into too much detail around that, but we've had our we've had our moments. Um but yeah, I just I just wanted Hayden to know that I'm his dad, um, like I said before, and that I would always be there for him, and if he needed anything, um I want I I wanted him to know that. And I just love I love being with him. I I I'll give you an example. Like he's an actual man now, so he's gonna be 26. Um he towers over me by about a foot. Uh, and I'm six foot. I think he's about six five. I was gonna say he's got a five. Yeah, no, he's uh he's a he's he's a unit, isn't he? Is Hayden? He's um yeah. Um don't tell him this be he could probably beat me up, but um he doesn't know that. I wouldn't ever let him know that.

SPEAKER_00 21:35

We won't find out. We don't need to.

SPEAKER_01 21:37

No, no, no, no. But um yeah, so I speak to him every single day. Every single day. I spoke to him on the way here. Um yeah, I speak to him every single day. We um after Christmas, we went and stayed, so he's in Somerset, we went and stayed in Cheddar. And me and him went out for a um a mountain bike ride. He took me down some tracks and trails that he knew. And quite honestly, it was one of the best days of my life. Just a proper father-son moment. Yeah, we were out for sort of three or four hours. Nellie died, he fell off, I fell off. Dropping off massive um ravines into pitch black. But it was, yeah, it was brilliant. It was um it got the adrenal going. And as we rode back, we were looking across all the Somerset flats, and the sun was going down, and it was all setting, the sky was beautiful, and we stopped off at the barn and we had a had a drink in there, and it was just one of those never-forget moments. Um, and I still I'm so lucky to be able to have that with with my son still. Um and there's been other moments. I mean, I uh we're gonna have to touch on this. Uh so career-wise, um carving out a career in Cisco. Um, but I do have um, it's more of a hobby now, I'd say, as I say, the music career that I was trying to progress, which um actually went okay in the end. I didn't I did quite well. It's um I've had my successes, it's not gonna pay me enough to run a family and a home and all of that kind of stuff. So I do uh I still do and I enjoy my day job as well. Um, but yeah, I've been doing sort of the drum and bass DJing MCM for a long, a long time, and and Hayden's been coming to festivals with me since he was 12. Um, and even now, he's still coming, he came to Boomtown when I played there this year. Um, yeah, he's it's quite funny. So when he was 12, 13, all of his friends used to take the mick out of him at school your dad's MC Science again, because there's some pictures of me sat on a speaker on the internet or something. Um, and he was to rip him a little bit for it. And then as soon as they turned 18, they're all phoning him up and was like, Oh, I saw your dad on that fly. Can he get us in? Oh, your dad's playing here, okay.

SPEAKER_00 23:52

Yeah, all of a sudden, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:54

Very interesting. What was very, very uncool became um cool for them lot anyway. But yeah, so again, it's just uh I don't know whether it was something in me, whether I was I I mean I did say I was conscious of it, but I don't know if it's just something I've done naturally. I just don't want to let them down. Yeah, I just uh it's quite easy not to be my parents because I'm not in that situation. Um although me and Hayden's mum did split up, that's similar to to to what happened with me. Um but yeah, I yeah, I don't know if it was a conscious thing or not. I just he's my son. Uh Hayden and Jack as well. So they're but they're obviously both my sons.

SPEAKER_00 24:39

So now I've got a different question for you here. Because okay, now I get it, it's you know, it's within you, it's they're your sons. Yeah. You want to be there for them. But what's very obvious is that you were very young, yeah, very early in life. Um probably I'm gonna say professional unstability. Oh, definitely. Early days. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:07

I don't know. I was working in the DJ store, I think, when he was born.

SPEAKER_00 25:10

It was um so yeah this No fine this environment. Yeah. And then with your second son, completely different setting. You're married, you are living in your own place with your wife.

SPEAKER_01 25:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:27

This is also your second child. Yeah. Um how how do they compare those two experiences?

SPEAKER_01 25:34

Because obviously it's like you've had two completely different lives. Very different, and I have a different relationship with um both my sons as well. Possibly because Hayden's older, so I have a slightly different relationship. But what I will say, um uh I didn't really have a choice with Hayden. As I say, I would never change it. Um love him to bits, yeah, he I would never have changed it. Given the choice at the time, prior to knowing Hayden, possibly I would have chosen a different direction. It's interesting, on the way um here earlier, I was looking at a Facebook post actually, and they were talking about abortion. And um, and look, each to their own, I'm not pro, I'm not anti, I'm I I think everybody should be able to judge what they do with their own bodies. But the guy made an interesting point. He's like, if the woman wants to get rid of that kid, she doesn't have to talk to the man, right? That's it, she decides to do that, or she decides to keep it. Um but the government can still chase that man for he still has parental responsibility even though he didn't have a choice over it. Which I thought was an interesting argument. Um Because it takes two, doesn't it, really, to do that. And um I think I've gone off to a gone off to a side piece there. But yeah, no, it did get me thinking about um obviously with Hayden. So I didn't necessarily have a choice about that.

SPEAKER_00 27:01

So was that a conversation that you two had with Hayden's mum?

SPEAKER_01 27:07

So I didn't know. Ah, okay.

unknown 27:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:09

So it was not it was not it was a complete surprise.

SPEAKER_01 27:12

Yeah, when she said she was pregnant, yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah. It wasn't saying it wasn't a planned thing. But then it was a it was a surprise with Alex as well. I mean, that would be a good thing. True, very true. Very different surprises, yeah, different circumstances as well, right? So um, yeah, given the choice, I would have I feel bad because I didn't have what I have now that I can give to to Jack, to Hayden. I always made made it work. I don't know how. Um we always still had holidays, he still had presents, I still managed to do all that, but it was it was really hard. But there's um there's a trade-off because I was only 20 or in my 20s when I was bringing him up. Um, I feel like I had a lot more energy, a lot more time as well. So um me and Hayden would do a lot more in regards to so I used to poor kid, I used to make him ride miles on BMXs and always dragging him out, doing stuff, and and the time that we had, because it was a limited time as well, it was precious. I I made sure we filled that out with doing stuff and and activities, and we probably did a lot more of that that didn't cost money than say I do now with Jack, who Jack has everything. I mean, there's nothing that goes. We just had his birthday. It's like, what do you want for your birthday? The kid is he's a lucky kid. Um, but I don't have the time, I don't think, because I'm juggling work, I'm juggling family, I'm juggling the NC and which I'll put down a little bit now. Um I don't have the same time as I as I I haven't got the same energy. I'm not gonna lie.

SPEAKER_00 28:49

Well, that that is undeniable. I mean, not saying that for you, but this is the obvious, you know, elephant in the room. Um that when you're 20, you obviously have a lot more energy than you would in your mid-40s.

SPEAKER_01 29:06

Oh, it's easier to deal with the sleepless nights, all of that stuff. It's uh it's definitely easier when you're younger. Um, so there's there's there's pros and cons to both. Um but yeah, poor Jack. I mean, he's got everything he could he could ever wish for. Um, but maybe, and that's something else I'm trying to be conscious of. I need to spend more time doing stuff with him, even if it's just out kicking a football. Um, yeah, I need to get more on board with the stuff that he likes as well. I'm always trying to drag him out on my bike because I love being on my bike. Um, he loves playing the computer and he loves playing FIFA and he whips me at it every single time until my fingers bleed, and I can't stand the bloody game. Um, but I do yeah, just to to spend some time with him. Um but then and and again, because I'm with him majority of the time. But you live with him, yeah, yeah. You don't find that time that's dedicated to him like it was when Hayden's up for the weekend. Right, I'm gonna that weekend's dedicated to Hayden. Um, I mean, don't get me wrong, mine and Alex's life, um Alex's definitely revolves around Jack. So his football, his clubs, his school, his friends. Um but actually what and it's something we've we we've we've decided to be a bit more conscious of this year because uh again, we get our our diaries uh how long's it taken to put this in? Right? We've been trying to arrange this for ages. It's it's yeah, our diaries fill up very, very quickly, and um especially in the summer, and then we go, oh, we'll get the summer out of the way, and we relax for the winter, and then the winter gets full up as well. So this year we've conscious we're gonna consciously make an effort to um to make memories, to spend more time making memories, and I think that's that's one of the things that I found that that's really important, and it's that how you connect as a family. Um and we when we do, we have the most amazing times. Um I mean I've got a little boat down on the coast. You ask Jack if he wants to go out on a boat. Nope, nope, nope, hates it, hates it, hates it, hates it. No, yeah, hates it. Really? That's the last thing he wants to say. He wants to be out playing with his friends. Or he wants to be online playing FIFA with his friends.

SPEAKER_00 31:21

Well, yeah, I don't think you can play FIFA on the boat.

SPEAKER_01 31:24

Can you? Well, he's got yeah, maybe. We've gotten this portal thing for Christmas.

SPEAKER_00 31:28

Well, that's not the whole point. You're not on the boat to play FIFA.

SPEAKER_01 31:31

But the thing is, you get him on the boat, he has a great time. He's jumping off the front, he's swimming about, he has an absolutely great, and we have a great time as a family. Um but it's driving him to do that, and uh yeah, I think so this year we're gonna be conscious about making more memories, and I think that's as I've got older, um, and I've gone from having no money to having a little bit of money to um having lots of time to having not a lot of time to other experiences um that have made me grow up, made me realise that actually the most important thing in life is memories, and it's those memories that you take with you. You don't take any cash, you don't take any houses, cars, whatever, boats. Um but they say that your life flashes before your eyes, so just make sure it's worth watching. Yeah. Um because that's what you that's that's that's the important stuff in life, and I really do believe that.

SPEAKER_00 32:26

Um is that sort of you know, your view on life if you kind of look at the big picture now that you you've gone through um you've gone through fatherhood or you've been a dad twice, you've got an adult son, you've got your um teenage, early pre-teen. Almost yeah, going on teenager. You've got your pre-teen, you've got your granddaughter, yeah. Um is that sort of your view on life now to be like, do you know what? At the end of the day, it's not about the material, it's about the time spent together.

SPEAKER_01 32:59

Definitely. Um, although I will caveat that with I do think having uh be being financially stable, um money does give you options. So a lot of the memories that we do, I wouldn't be spending time on my boat with my son if I didn't have the money for a boat. So it's um it definitely opens doors and gives you more options. Um, but yeah, that's the most in important thing. So uh where are we? I think it's about six years ago, seven years ago. Uh my wife was diagnosed with bowel cancer, so she um had to have a lot of chemotherapy and uh operations and stuff, and we didn't really know what was going to happen, what the outcome of that was gonna be. Um and that drilled home the fact that actually the important stuff in life is really creating those memories and um and aligning to your core values, aligning to your values. And I think that's why uh me and Alex work um because we've got similar values. I think that's what draws us together. And um yeah, to be to be happy, or my personal view is you need to be aligned to those those values. That that that's what makes you that's what puts a smile on your face, I believe.

SPEAKER_00 34:18

It is at the end of the day. No, I think I think that sounds like um wise words, Simon, here I don't know about that, but yeah. Impart my my wisdom not So is there anything else that you want to add here that you feel like you would share? And to put a bit of context here, think about young Simon. What would you like him to know? Good question. What would you tell him?

SPEAKER_01 34:53

Uh I've got no regrets. Um I think, and I d uh so Hayden. I did say to Hayden, please don't make me a granddad until I'm 50. And there's two reasons for that. Uh, one reason because I don't feel like I should be a granddad before I'm 50. Um, and the second reason is because um, although, as I said, I would never change it, love Hayden to bits, given the choice, I would have had him come along a little bit later in life just so I could have done some more stuff when I was younger. Um, and also be more financially stable to be able to support him when he did come along. Um, but I kind of missed that whole travel around the world, all that that kind of stuff. Um that would have been nice I say that. I did get to I I've been lucky with my music careers, took me all around the world and my job. Um so that did come later in life, but not the whole it's it's that's work. Um not the whole kind of going out and and and uh kind of grabbing life or the world um into hands and and really going and experiencing it. Uh and I wanted to make sure that he'd done that. Um and unfortunately he did make me a granddad before I was 50. Um and and at the age of 25 for him. But again, uh I went and met Poppy the day after she was born in in the hospital and she starred my heart. And yeah, I would not change that for for a second. I mean, she's yeah, she starred my heart.

SPEAKER_00 36:23

So I guess then if I rephrase my question, it's not so much what would you say to young Simon? Yeah, but it's what would you say to Hayden?

SPEAKER_01 36:35

Keep doing what you do, and I couldn't be prouder of you. I really couldn't. Um and the same with Jack as well. Um Yeah, make your own make your own decisions in life. I've got enough trust in both of them that they're they're capable of doing that. I d I just think I've been really lucky, mate. I really do. Um I've got f friends that have got children, obviously. Um and and not all of them are as as lucky as as I am in the fact that genuinely, and I know I'm probably a little bit biased, but genuinely, um Hayden and Jack are, and Poppy as well, are just they're just nice people, they're just salt of the earth, core people. I've uh and I think they've props to their mums, definitely. Um, but also I'm gonna say, I'm gonna take a little bit of credit myself because I've always taught them morals, morals respect. I think that's that's what you need in life. You need to to you need to have respect for other people, treat people how you you you'd be treated. Um that that element of respect, but also no right from wrong. I mean, that doesn't necessarily mean follow the law by the T, but have a moral compass. And um and that's more important to me than than any academia that that um which is quite controversial. I know everyone wants their kids to go off to private school and be bachelor's degree, etc. etc. So Hayden, um he uh finished school, went to college to study to be uh a carpenter, so he's a chippy. Um and he's doing better than me in life. He really is. He's he's absolutely smashing it. I mean, he he drives a better car than me, he's got a nicer house than me. Um, and he's gone off and and done that. And I don't think there's anything you could you could teach him about woodwork. He's he's got it nailed, excuse the pun. Um Well, take it good one. Uh so yeah, so I think from my perspective, what's important to me is is having a good moral compass, making sure my kids are they know right from wrong, they learn to respect each other, um, respect each other themselves uh and other people, um, but also understand that we're all individual. We all have. So we've discussed my back background, my my beginnings, my sons, all of us, every single one of us, has had different foundations, different building blocks, different experiences, different um life events that have moulded us to be individual, and that's what makes us individual. I mean, uh you both my sons are so different, but uh they've got different mums. But so yes it and it's being conscious of that. It's being conscious that everybody has their own unique outlook on the world, and yeah, just try and be receptive of that, I suppose.

SPEAKER_00 39:32

Do you know what I really like about your story? I was just thinking about that, but what I really like about your story is that on the one hand, there is very much that sort of cyclical movement. You became the dad, but you became a young dad. Yeah. Um and then there was this cycle, and then your son became a young dad. So that is the part where it's you know, you've got kind of like the similarities, but you also have that on the other hand, you've got this other part in your story, I think, where it sounds like every generation has just sort of like, you know, made sure that they could push the next generation or like, I don't know, pull them on their on their shoulders and be like, you're gonna go further than I went and push it up, pushing up, pushing up.

SPEAKER_01 40:26

Well, it's interesting. I again, a as we all do, scrolling through Instagram or whatever the platform was, um, I saw a guy come up the other day and it really got me thinking. And he came up on one of my reels and he said, We've been here for four million years, right? There's generations and generations and generations and generations above me. Where's my generational wealth? And it and it's a good point, right? It's um, yeah, you've had all these generations behind you, but actually, we're only talking about generational wealth when it's our generation. Um, I mean, I that that's different context for different people. I'm sure there are people out there that have generational wealth that's been passed down, etc., etc. Um, but yeah, it just kind of got me thinking about, yeah, uh when you put it into perspective of the four million years that men have been on, men and women, sorry, have been uh on the earth. Um for this point in time, I'm the one in control of this. I'm the one that that that that can um make a difference to my future generations. And I think that's what's um yeah, that's one of the other things I've been conscious as well uh of as well.

SPEAKER_00 41:38

So yeah, no, I'm really I'm really liking that in your story because at least that's my reading of the situation, that it really sounds like you you stop there at some point and you're like, you know what, I'm there are parts of my life that are um upbringing, childhood that I'm keeping, but there are parts that I'm just not happy with, and that's not what I want to pass down. And you didn't pass down the trauma, you passed down the learning, yeah, what you learned. Um you passed it down and you kept on learning through your relationships with your um previous partner, with your now wife as well, uh, and you've passed that down to your children, and now you can see Hayden, we'll see about Jack later, but um in a few years, hopefully, you know, w when the time is right for him, but you can see that with Hayden that he's passed it down to Poppy.

SPEAKER_01 42:29

Yeah, definitely. And well, this is the point in the podcast where I do need to give full credit to my wife, right? Um I don't I don't even know what she's doing with me because I'm uh yeah, I was um bit off the rails, maybe before I met her. And and as I said, my normal was unconventional. Um and and I'm gonna say not just my wife, but my my um my father-in-law, rest in peace, uh, and my mother-in-law, um, they they were the ones that taught me uh they really showed me love. I'd never seen that before until I I saw their family and I saw how a conventional hashtag um family works. And um, yeah, she's the one that's installed that in me, and she's the one that made me realise how important it is to be a proper dad to Hayden, because maybe I could have been an absolute arsehole like my my parents were, you know, I could have probably quite easily gone down that route. Um how good a parent was I before I met my wife? It's all a bit of a haze. Um Jack was oh sorry, Hayden was very young. I was definitely still there, but whether I was um whether I was as good a parent as I was after I met my wife, who um as I mean, she's everyone loves my wife, she's she's amazing. Um but yeah, she she really showed me the difference and and and what people should be, because yeah, my I The the other stuff that I'd been exposed to wasn't quite along those lines.

SPEAKER_00 44:09

Thank you, Alex.

SPEAKER_01 44:11

Yeah, no, thank you, Alex. Love you, Babs.

SPEAKER_00 44:15

That's fantastic. Do you feel like there is something else you want to share? Something else you want to say? I think we've covered a lot of bases.

SPEAKER_01 44:23

I feel like I've just spurted out a load of stuff to you. So uh yeah. Um, I think we're good. I think we've covered most most uh most bases. I'm sure there's a million bits that I've left out and and what happened. Oh for sure.

SPEAKER_00 44:38

But I think that we still get the essence of your story. Yeah. And that's really the reason why I was so interested in getting your story because I only had a tiny, a tiny um insight into your story. Um but I was really interested because I could see that there was some some unconventional parts to your story, if I can reuse this word. And I thought I'd love to know a little bit more because I feel like it's so much worth sharing.

SPEAKER_01 45:09

Yeah, I there is one thing actually, I just uh talking of conventional, unconventional. I mean, I I kind of see my life being a lot more conventional now, but actually, if I was to stand back and look at it, um I've got a successful career in my day job, which um takes up a lot of my time Monday to Friday, and uh I'm quite often away travelling. I travel um for work quite often to uh with that, so I'm away from the family, and then I've I I mean I've kind of laid back off of it the last year because I've had to repri prioritise, but I've been doing this music stuff like almost every weekend for since I was 18. Um, and that got to the point where I was I'd have gigs in, I mean, I was in Germany just before Christmas, um New Year's Eve, I didn't spend New Year's Eve with my family. I was in Bristol for a gig and then I went to Reading and did two gigs in Reading, thankfully at home, so I could yeah, didn't I could have a drink, half one finally, for New Year's Eve. Um, but I wasn't with them for that. Um and that and and and and yeah, I've had a lot of time away from my family. And and the one thing that I've always said, I mean, the day job pays the bills and some other bits. Um but the money that I've got from doing the the music work, I've always made sure again that goes back to family time, creating memories. That money is for holidays, for weekends away, um, for experiences. And um yeah, I think that's the most important thing to me nowadays is um as much as I like a nice car and et cetera, et cetera, um it's the memories because they that that that's what you see before you pass away, isn't it? So do you take Jack to um festivals? Yes, yeah, he loves a festival. Yeah, well he takes me. Um yeah, he's been to a couple of my gigs. Uh so the DJ that I work with, um Benny, I can say Benny, uh his he's got a son the same age as Jack. They're like this, they're they're best mates. Um so they've been coming to they've been dragged to festivals since they could walk. Um yeah, I remember one festival so hot we were in his tents that we had to just give them bottles of water to throw over each other. And there's like two five-year-olds running around just getting everybody wet, which is good, quite good fun. Um, yeah, he's massive into his music as well. I think we all are me, Hagen and Jack. Um, and yeah, he he he drags me to festival. He loves Reading Festival, and I have to go and watch all these acts that I don't even know you. In fact, I'm going to watch some act in London. Um, I couldn't tell you it is. Uh, but yeah, he loves his concert, his gigs. So yeah, he he he drags me around to more gigs than I do him. But um yeah, Hayden still comes to the other ones, and his mum very rarely as well. Once a year, twice a year, she comes out still to the big ones. Yeah. Is that how you met? Sorry, completely random question. Yeah, uh no. Um, no, we met for a friend actually. So we were in a nightclub. I think I probably was playing, um, but we already knew each other. Um, sorry, I knew one of her friends, so I ended up giving her and her friend a lift home. And this was years ago, and I remember I was I was with another girl at the time. Um, I wasn't. I was single at the time. Sorry, I was single at the time, and I remember thinking, I really like her, I'd really love her. And then I spoke to her, our mutual friend, and she went, No, she's got a boyfriend, that's not gonna happen. She's very loyal, blah, blah, blah. And then I met someone else and was with someone else for a long time. Um, split up with them, and then we bumped into each other in town. Um, I wasn't gigging, I was just having a drink with some friends, and then we arranged to meet up again after that, and uh the rest is history, as they say. I think it's 19 years now, 18 years.

SPEAKER_00 49:01

Ah, what 27. Can you share what you're planning for the big 20? Oh no, that's just being together. No, no, we've only been married. It counts. It counts. What we'll use to celebrate 20 years together.

SPEAKER_01 49:13

No, you can't you just celebrate the marriage.

SPEAKER_00 49:17

What I think 20 counts, whether marriage or together. Really? Yeah. I'll think of something. Maybe our um I think you want to do a little. I mean, have we not said how amazing Alex was?

SPEAKER_01 49:29

She is very amazing. Maybe she should think about some doing something to celebrate. She should do something for me, maybe. Why is it all on me?

SPEAKER_00 49:37

I mean, she's not here, so I'm going to say it on you. Uh yeah, no, she does okay anyway, I think.

SPEAKER_01 49:48

She really uh but yeah, uh, I'd have to figure out if it's 19 or 18 first, so I know when 20 is. But that's a good start. Yeah, yeah. Um but yeah, no, we're definitely celebrate 20 years of being married, I'm sure. Yeah. Not sure how, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 50:06

But um Well, there you go, you can have a rehearsal then with your 20 years of being together. Yeah, it's a rehearsal. It's like a mini, I don't know what you would call that, a mini anniversary. Mini anniversary.

SPEAKER_01 50:18

The only problem is, um, we got together the week between Christmas and New Year. And so to give you an idea, so we have Christmas, um, and then that week in between Christmas, I have to go and see all we see her family, my family, we do all the family stuff. Then New Year, as I said, I was massively busy. Um, then on the 2nd of January, we have to run around all the shops getting all Jack's stuff ready because he's on the 3rd of January. Uh, so all the Christmas decks have to come down because that's a totally separate. We have to make sure it's two separate things for Jack. Um, so if I was to throw something else in the mixer that week, I think Alex would lose the plot. So I'd have to do it in yeah, slightly later. Yeah. That's why we got married in May.

SPEAKER_00 51:06

Fair enough. You may get a pass for that, but uh still a thing that 20 years together, there should be a little something in there. No, I think you're right.

SPEAKER_01 51:14

Yeah, you know, that's it will be next year, actually. Yeah, so 19 years now, yeah. So I think ish. Oh, 18. Yeah. Long time.

SPEAKER_00 51:24

I'll give you some time to think about that. But you've got my point of view on that. Um, Alex, I'm with you. I think you should do something. Um, thanks a lot, Cy. Simon. Yeah, you're all and uh thanks so much, really, for coming. No, I appreciate it. For your time. Because I know that your time's very precious. I know you're a very busy man.

SPEAKER_01 51:44

Time is precious for all of us.

SPEAKER_00 51:45

But I hugely appreciate it.

SPEAKER_01 51:47

Yeah, no, thank you for sharing. Just means less sleep, I think, usually. How I deal with being busy. That's how I juggle things. Just sleep less.

SPEAKER_00 51:55

Tell me about that. I know about that. Uh but uh no, thank you so much for sharing your story. And uh I'll speak to you very soon. You will do indeed. Thank you very much. Bye. Simon, thank you. Thank you for sitting with me and reflecting on a journey that clearly took a lot of work on yourself, for your children, and for the family that you've built. What struck me the most in this conversation is the intentionality. The fact that none of this happened by accident. You looked at your own story, made a choice, and kept showing up. And this is not a small thing. I hope this episode reaches every parent who is trying to break a cycle, or who is somewhere in the middle of their own growth, and wondering if it's worth it. It is. Simon is proof of that. As always, thank you for listening and for being part of the village. And I'll see you in the next episode. Raising with the village will now be released every other Thursday, giving me the space to keep bringing you thoughtful and honest conversations. You can find all past episodes on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, YouTube, or wherever you usually listen. And you can follow the show there and put some new episodes linked straight into your feed. If you'd like to get in touch, share feedback, or suggest a story, you can find me on Instagram at Raising with the Village. I always love hearing from you. And if this podcast has resonated with you, one of the best ways to support it is by subscribing, rating, leaving a review, or sharing an episode with someone who might need it. It truly makes a difference and helps these stories reach the people who need them most. Thank you for being part of the village, and I'll see you next time. Bye bye.